the first one. buckle up people

I needed a place to write. All kinds of things actualy. Love, lust, hate, confusion. It is how i sort the world out. So if you join this journey with me be warned that it is going to be a bumpy ride. The content will most definatly be adult. It will not be for everyone. Some will be offened. Some will have names to call me that are less that nice. But the truth is i dont care. I need this. And you can join me or not. But if you dont have anything nice to say, please keep it to yourself. Because this is not for you. It is for me and my own sanity.

My heart is trying to sort out my marriage. Something i though would last for eternity.

But i have found that not everything lasts and that love is hard. The life i planned never really happened. And for the most part i was ok with it. But then huge changes came along. And i began to feel utterly alone even with him by my side. Two years have passed and we are more seperated than ever. Two people sharing a life but not living. So i have done things in that time that have changed me. Changed me to the core. And i live with them every day. Now i wonder if i need to just shut up and stay. Giving him all that he wants. Or if it is time to call it quits. If i stay i surrender all that i am to his happiness. If i go, i leave a wounded man in my wake whos only fault is that he loved me, but less than he loved himself.

So for now i will live in the fantasy world of my writings. At least until i can see if the conversations he and i have have any effect. Or if we both are just to old to change who we are.

so here goes nothing.




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