and then there are moments

He makes me insane. His infernal lack of need for physical intimacy.
Then he has those moments, where he comes to sit by me on the couch, holds my hand, lays his head on my shoulder.
He actually told me it was nice to hear me sing. of course it was a full 24 hours after the fact. But still.
He kissed me, actual kisses. Not chicken pecks. And as usual at 10:30 on a sunday night some 6 weeks since the last time he touched me, he hinted at it agian. Offered to rub lotion on my back, and maybe my front. His idea of for play.
I gently told him i was fine, Thanks for the offer.
He got into bed, him in his fuzzy blanket, me in the actual covers.. And began stroking my arm as he lay on my shoulder.
Why after an entire weekend together in the same house, does he NOW decide to be intimate? I was angry. I ignored his advances. I can not take the token 5 minutes once every 6 weeks at 10 something on a sunday night.

I wrote him a letter earlier in the day. Laying it all on the line. San by funny truth is i went back into my old journals.
And i have been begging for his attention since 1997.. years of me wanting more. Begging for him to show me as much attention as his guns or his archery equipment.

I am done… the letter is at the house, waiting…

A few more days and i am going to give it to him… the end is at hand.. my broken heart can take no more.


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