my precarious perch

nude on swing

I think i need my head examined. I will not give him up. Not now, not at this moment. He brings joy to my life that i can not express. Yes there is sadness too. I want him in my hands. He already fills my heart.

But i know that i must be honest and see if my marriage is salvagable. Can my husband actually maintain the changes i need from him. To put me first in his life ahead of his toys. To consider the things in life that bring me happiness, even if he is not fond of them. To be my partner in this life. For now he is trying. But… i do not think it will last. He has always been a spoiled man. And if i do not constantly push i do not think it is in him to make it stick.

 

So for now i am sitting on a very precarious perch. One that sways with the wind. I go from one extreme to another. Wanting my marriage to work, to wanting to live firmly under the hand of my Master. He has made me feel special from the first moment. He makes me feel like his princess every day. It is not something he needs to try to do. To him it is as natural as breathing.  My husband on the other hand, has to work at it. He has to think about making me the focus of his life.

 

I will sit here on my perch for now and take my time. I will sort things out until they make sence. And hope the wind blows gently.

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8 Comments

  1. obeyme15 said,

    February 26, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    You need not worry about any such wind or storm, I am standing there watching and listening and will catch you if you fall and send you down the right path.

  2. rheath40 said,

    February 26, 2013 at 4:39 pm

    Learn to bend with that wind honey. What’s meant to be will happen. Promise.

    • loneyheart said,

      February 26, 2013 at 5:22 pm

      i am trying. but i am a defiant woman who is only bendable under her Masters hand. So this is a challenge for me.

      • rheath40 said,

        February 26, 2013 at 5:48 pm

        I completely understand. There is only one that can have total control of you.

  3. Kayla Lords said,

    February 26, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    I am a big believer in following your heart…whatever you decide, you are loved AND you will be ok. ((Hugs))

  4. Arina said,

    February 28, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    What is meant to be is what will happen. Instead, try to just enjoy the view from the swing and the breeze in your hair.

    • loneyheart said,

      February 28, 2013 at 5:36 pm

      right now that is what i am doing. And from up here i can look down on the long line of events that make up my life. The change of perspective has been very enlightening. Because we are after all THE SUM OF ALL OF OUR PARTS.

  5. MaríMar said,

    March 5, 2013 at 10:22 pm

    Waiting is for the hardest part… well one of the hardest.
    Sending you calming thoughts.
    xo


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