Lonely but not alone…

For a long time now i have lived in a life that was lonely with someone right next to me.

I have pondered for hours how that could be. How can you be lonely with someone there?

Well it is simple. When the person with you has little to no intrest in you as a human.

When they can not tell you some of the basic likes and dislikes of your life.

When they are more concerned for self rather than you. Then it does not matter how physcially close to you they may get… You are alone.

The isolation can become stifleing. Your will to carry on just dies. You begin to wonder why you even try to get their attention. Or any attention at all. The lonelyness becomes all consuming.

At some point reality sets in and you know that you have to leave of die. The decision is often easier to make than the actual action of leaving. It is in that moment that you begin to realize just what all that entails. How it will efect your life and the life of those around you. Family dinners will forever be changed. Christmas will be a battle of who gets the kids, instead of ” do we go to your parents or mine?”
You stop to wonder if you can stand sleeping in a bed alone. And who will you talk to at the end of a long day. Even if you don’t talk to your spouse now. Every tiny aspect of life is going to change.
But in the end it is one clear thought that pushes you through… I would rather be loney alone than lonely with them sitting right here beside me.

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4 Comments

  1. hotlilmess said,

    March 19, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    i have felt that pain, it is quite simply the loneliest feeling. You described it painfully beautiful.

  2. mlbk7 said,

    March 19, 2013 at 10:59 pm

    Amazing. How you capture real life in words. Both heartbreaking and with such eloquence. xo

    • loneyheart said,

      March 20, 2013 at 12:50 pm

      thank you. when i write it is my heart on the page. I do not know how to do it any other way. For me it is simply taking all of the emotions that are eating me up inside and setting them free so that i can breath again.

  3. April 27, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Your opening sentence calls to me…


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