How to walk away?

This should be the easy part. I have already fallen out of love with a man who was once the center of my world. I have stopped looking at him thru rose colored glasses. I have stopped forgiving his thoughtlesness. I see him now for who he really is. A selfish and selfserving man. I see myself as he sees me, just a piece of furniture. Nice to have around but redundant. Something to make him look good to the world. An image of the perfect happy couple. But it is all a show.

This last week was like having a bomb set off in my chest. Going to happy bridal parties. Sitting thru a wedding of two people whos 1st marriages were so unhappy. Seeing love in their faces. All while being ignored by my own husband. The man who chose to sit and have dinner with the girls from the bridal party and not make room for me at the table. The man who danced with those girls who has not danced with me in 20 years.

The last time i tried talking to him i told him how our life was not our life, it was his life. How we only did the things he liked to do. So his answer to this problem is to now join me on my bowling night. The one thing i took up to have a night away from him. Last night he forgot i was bowling, but then when he remembered he decided to show up, bringing himself dinner but not me. I am not even a thought to him. It kills me to be so unimportant to him after all of these years.

 

I keep reading this book. And with every page it is clearer and clearer to me that my time has come. But i just don’t know how to sit him down and say those words. I QUIT, I AM DONE, I WANT OUT. Then i will be on my own. But i would rather be alone than lonely next to him any more. I have fought for my marriage for what seems like a life time. And if he fought half as hard then we could of picked up the pieces. But saddly i am not a gun, or a piece of archery equipment, or his truck or one of his hunting buddies. I am, was, just his wife. And i need to walk away.

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14 Comments

  1. rougedmount said,

    April 24, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    i have called myself furniture as well…its how i felt my spouse viewed me. i did exactly what you did…i could have written it verbatim. Do not sit down and talk to him. He won’t listen or understand anyway. Just arrange your finances..quietly start packing items you want and place them in storage. He wont notice anyway. Then go to a lawyer and have papers drawn up, then present them with him the day you walk out the door and into your own little apartment. I am so done with assholes like your spouse and mine. Two faced about how they present themselves to the world while slighting us, ignoring us..you dont deserve it…neither do i.

    • loneyheart said,

      April 24, 2013 at 7:32 pm

      i know it may sound cold but i have talked and talked to this man. And i want to sit him down and look him straight in the eye and tell him i am done. To make him look at me when i tell him for the last time how his selfish behavior has hurt me. And then i will leave. I have a dear friend who has offered me a place to land for a time. And as far as the divorce goes. there is so little in that house that i feel is mine. And i intend to make him hold on to it until i am ready to live in my own space. I want him to feel the emptyness of having my things there and not me. Yes i am in a bitter space. But i have begged him. and the 19 yr old girl in me who married him with blind adoration needs her day to stand up to him.

  2. April 24, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    I have a huge pain in my chest just reading this.
    I feel for you
    And I feel I am not that different from you
    My thoughts are with you

  3. Isabella said,

    April 24, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    It is the hardest thing…you may ever do. And as rougedmount says…prepare yourself… and it will make your transition much easier. Although I did inform my husband from the beginning of the end…that I was moving out. It could be a rather rude awakening…. I know it was for me. But today…I’m not drowning…not feeling suffocation …even at the expense of being alone.

    • loneyheart said,

      April 24, 2013 at 7:34 pm

      thank you both for your kindness and support. He has to know this is coming. I told him two months ago and very little has changed. Every time i try to get one thing into his head he twists it to suit him. I refuse to die of a broken heart sleeping in that bed.

      • Isabella said,

        April 24, 2013 at 8:06 pm

        I truly sympathize with what you are feeling…and what you are going through.

  4. mlbk7 said,

    April 24, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    Stop torturing yourself. You will die if you stay like this. The best thing to do is plan and organize. Prepare your exit strategy and timeline then follow it. You may not win every battle but in the end you will win the war. Do not let this defeat your heart. You are too young and too beautiful.

  5. hispetitelle said,

    April 24, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    Listen to the advice these ladies gave about preparation. I’m so sorry you’re hurting.

    • loneyheart said,

      April 25, 2013 at 2:54 pm

      thank you. ever day i am doing the little things to get myself ready

  6. Kayla Lords said,

    April 25, 2013 at 1:53 am

    You have to close your eyes and leap.

    When I did it, when I sat my ex husband down and said the words, I said almost that. I apologized, I cried, but at the end of it, I said, “I don’t want to be married to you anymore. I just don’t want to be married. I can’t do this anymore, and I won’t.”

    It was the hardest but most important conversation of my life. But I had to close my eyes and leap first…

    You can do it…I know you can.

    • loneyheart said,

      April 25, 2013 at 2:56 pm

      thank you.. I have been preparing and it sets like a stone in my gut. But being with him hurts more. How could i have given 24 years to this man? And i swear in the end he will cry but he will just surrender because i am not worth fighting for. If he felt i was he would still be fighting from when i told him in Feb that i was done

      • April 25, 2013 at 4:09 pm

        but you are worth fighting for! be strong…

      • Kayla Lords said,

        April 25, 2013 at 8:53 pm

        If you can, don’t think too much too much about the last 24 years and how could you and all that. Think instead of the future…it won’t always be easy, but it will be on your terms. That’s an empowering moment. ((HUGS))


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