the strangle hold of Fear and finances

I want out. I want my freedom. I do not love this man as i once did. But i am stuck. Trapped by fear and the nasty reality of finances. We have lived our lives financially seperate for many years. And while this has allowed each of us the freedom to persue certian dreams, i am realizing that it is part of why i can not leave just yet. Business is slow. And on my own would be damn near impossible. But every day i think, if i do this or that, then maybe…
Even yesterday, we went for a ride in the forrest. This is something that used to help me clear my mind. But yesterday all i did was think of ways to extract myself from my life. What bare essentials would i need to take. Where would i sleep. How would i seperate myself from the financial burden he put me under. Could i start new accounts with out his name on them.
Just how much does it cost to file for divorce? Can i refi the car into my name? He wants that to happen. Do i sell my diamond or give it to our daughter? Am i brave enough to just leap? Or do i need a safety net?
So i sit and wait for next month and hope that the summer proves good. Because when i hear my Master say.. I want you by me right now… I want to be able to say, yes sir, and be there. There where my heart feels like it is finally home.

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9 Comments

  1. hispetitelle said,

    April 29, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    You need to get some expert advice. See if you can get a free consultation with a lawyer or if there’s a nonprofit group that can help. Find out your state laws. If your daughter is a minor then that opens up a new can of worms. If I were you I’d make sure he didn’t have access to any computer or phone records (change passwords, use a cleaning program to delete history after every use). Everything you’re blogging about can be used against you in a divorce. Take precautions, don’t make decisions with emotion, and don’t expose your hand. You need to make this as clean as possible, so do your homework and get counsel.

    • loneyheart said,

      April 29, 2013 at 4:26 pm

      thank you. he has no clue about my on line writing. My phone is in my name. He does not pay those bills. In fact he pays nothing that has my name on it. My daughter is over 21 so that makes some things easier. And i rarely do any writing from our home computer. If i do i delete all history.

      • hispetitelle said,

        April 29, 2013 at 5:18 pm

        Oh, good. You can never be too careful. I was married at 19 just months before my 20th. He walked out on me when I was 21, just a month after my birthday. He took all our money and destroyed my fledgling credit. It took me a long time to payback everything and rebuild, but I did it. I met my lovely husband just months after the idiot walked and I was 23 when we married. Our early life was him helping me pay off my debts and I helped him pay school loans. We were so cash-strapped for the first 8 years or so and it’s the main reason why we waited 13 years before having kids. We’ve now been married 24 years. Good things always happen in the wake of tragedy, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

  2. April 29, 2013 at 4:38 pm

    Do not be of little faith. I have a feeling you will be well taken care of and is not blind to your needs. He knows your struggles. Just keep your faith and trust him.

  3. Kayla Lords said,

    April 30, 2013 at 1:26 am

    The first question my mother asked when I announced I was leaving my husband was, “Can you afford it?” I told her that I wasn’t thinking about that because if I did, I’d never leave. Now, that being said, I was in the position to have a place to go and the ability to at least pay most of the bills (essential bills).

    But, I have found that when you’re on the right path in life, opportunities open up in ways you never expect. Sometimes, you just have to jump into the great wide open…

    You can do it….I know you can.

  4. April 30, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    i feel for you, you are in an impossible place – can’t stay yet the alternative is just as hard. At least you have someone who wants you.

  5. gemini said,

    May 1, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    wishing you all the best and a happy ever after. you will get there..it is hard but with strength, support and determination…I did it! 🙂 xx


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