letting go and moving on

yes things have been a whirlwind for the last couple of weeks. I am moved into my own tiny apartment. And it is tiny. But it feels so comforting. Sleeping alone has not been a problem. I have always slept better without him. We have limited conversations to dinner once a week to just check in and he has decided to start texting me as a way of checking in.
I go to my first therapy session in the morning. It will be hard to admit to her that i do not really want to fix my marriage. I dont think its fixable. He will try for a time, and if i stick it out, i will be back here by this time next year. I dont want to waste another year of my life.

My birthday is just around the corner and i feel a sence of freedom. Happiness like i have not know in forever. My baby girl is engaged and i want her to see that love is what you make of it, not what you accept. I love watching her grow into a confident woman. It reminds me I DID GOOD.

Now i get to revile in the fact that soon i will be able to spend a few days and nights with a man who sees me for who i really am. Who appreciates the many intricate layers of my personality. And who shows me his love in a million little ways. The man who really listens, even when i think he is not. Who has chistled down the big walls and keeps working on the little ones. I get to feel like a woman. I am not sure how i will react. But i can promise you there will be tears. Yes i am a deeply emotional girl. And gratefully he loves that side of me to.

So here is to acceptance, freedom, moving on and letting go. To the future, to hope and happiness and to tomorrow. Because good things do happen.

The Miseducation of…

caged and collared…. a dominate females tale of lust

man on leashFirst let me say straight up this is not me. This is the girl who shows up when she feels backed into a corner. When she is being challenged in ways that she wants no part of. This is my way to have a healthy release of my current stress over my husbands need to tell me how suddenly he desperatly wants me. A man i no longer want or love or need. That being said,,, enjoy the ride if you dare.

The queen got home after a long days work. And found her house to silent for her liking. The music that should of been playing was not on. In fact there was no music. And there were no sounds or smells of her dinner. She began slowly wandering thru her house looking for that sniviling little man. She soon found him sitting on the corner of her bed. That in itself was a punshible offence. His place was on the bed on the floor, not on HER bed.

What was worse was the fact he was stroking his cock on her panties. Damn him.
He was not allowed to touch what was hers. And on her lace panties no less. She was across the room in two strides and slapped him hard across the face. Shock and horror filled him, as well as desire and his cock jumped in his hand.
Yanking her panties from his hand she glared at him and firmly told him, get your cage! Instantly he was retrieving it from the toy box. BRING THE ENTIRE BOX she yelled. Fear suddenly grasp him.
He has in front of her in an instant. Roughly she slammed the cage around his cock and locked it. It hurt to have it put on now as he was showing his arousal. But she did not care. This was hers and he would learn or suffer. She reached into the box and grabbed his collar. Nothing so pretty, but a straight up choke collar. Slipping it over his head made her pussy begin to ooze. Snapping on the lead made it twitch.

On your knees was her next command. He obeyed. And followed her to the kitchen. She would yank the lead just a bit to here him yelp. Yes he would learn. She let him stand to make her dinner. A nice chicken ceasar salad and a glass of wine. He would get nothing. She would be his dinner. Her music now filled the house. Lovely classical music to sooth her nerves. Watching him in his cage was fun. She could see him steal glances at her. And see him swell with want. She had removed her bra and skirt, and was in nothing but a sheer top, lace panties and her newest heels. Black shinny stilettos.
Her ass cheeks barely dusted by the end of her top, and her nipples dangerously errect.

After he had cleared and cleaned she reaches over and grabs his lead with one hand, the other reaches down and slaps his engourged cock in its cage. He yelps with pain, and she snaps his lead, pulling the collar tighter. He begins to plead with her for mercy and forgivness. She laughs and yanks again.
His cock shows the truth. It is swollen to dangerous preportions in its cage. Glorious colors of red and purple bloom along it. And it is leaking down his thigh. He loves to piss her off just so he will get his punishment.

Leading him to the living room she shoves him to his knees and makes him lay over the coffee table, face down. The flogging now begins. His back and ass getting as red as his swollen member. There is now a visible puddle on the floor. Lick it up she demands. His face contorts at the thought. If your chores were done today then the floor is clean, if not it soon will be, she laughs and with one shiny heel pushes his head to the floor. Laughing as he licks it all spotlessly clean.

Making him sit back on his heels so that his cock dangles between his thighs, she rummages in the box for one of her favorite toys. Placing herself in front of him so that her glistning pussy is eye level she opens her legs wide and puts one pump on his caged cock, the other on his shoulder.
With both hands she spreads open the lips of her well manicured cunt and begins thrusting her toy in and out. Her moans become screams as she begins to orgasm. But as she does her heel is pushing hard on his overly swollen and caged cock. He screams with pain and pleasure. Watching her cum is a beautiful sight but the pain from her shoe is almost to much. When she is done with her first orgasm whe looks at him and asks, Do you want more? He is torn, but wants more of her, so he mumbles YES.

Looking down she almost feels bad and thinks about letting him go. But,, he is always a better licker when caged. So she changes her mind and simply says EAT.. His head is burried in her pussy in moments. Devouring her every fold. Expertly licking her to yet another orgasm, and leaving a trail of juice on his own thigh. Her screams let him know that she was indeed pleased. Now was the time to let the caged animal out. Un locking him sent waves of pain thru his cock. To touch it was torture and she knew it. So with perfectly mainicured fingeres she graps it hard and yanks. he tries to escape but her hold is to tight. FUCK MY ASS NOW, she snarls. He is filled with want and pain as he slides deep inside her. She is on her back with her legs over his shoulders. He flogger still in her hand she stings his chest and pinches his nipples. Grabbing her vibrating toy she once again assaulting her own clit. Her only concern is her own need. RAM HARDER she screams as her third orgasm rips thru her body. She keeps at it until she can cum no more. Then pushes his away with her shining heels.
His need still evident in his swollen cock. She grabs the glass of water from the table and tosses it on his dick. That should cool you down she sneers. Now pour me wine and meet me in the bath.

She will soak as he stands guard. His cock slowly surrendering to the fact that she will not let him cum today. As he watches her finger her way to yet another screaming orgasm. One day he will learn that to piss of the queen is just a bad thing to do.

Use her roughly

this is a wonderful expression of love

bed

woman_in_bedi breath deep, taking in the smell of you
The cotton cloth surrounding me is scented in your manly smell
pearched in my bed i feel you on my skin
but not your hands, the fabric of your shirt is what enfolds me

wind rustles the trees outside and i can see you
sitting there on the lake, casting your rod into the dark water
The sun glinting off of freshly tanned skin
The shimmer of sweat on rippled muscles

The ache in my heart grows as does the rise and fall of my chest
My hands becoming your hands
Roaming the soft warm wet darkness of my sweetest parts
The mingling of your scent and mine

i will not take myself there for long
in fact it is only the edge of desire
becuae without you it is empty and meaningless
but for a moment i can feel you there with me and i am not so alone

moving

a friend has been saying for months… my home is always open. So when the shoe dropped i called and she said come. 3 nights of wonderful sleep later she panics and i get the distinct feeling that my presence is causing her distress. Not wanting to do that, i do what i always do… i work it out. So now i am the proud rental owner of a tiny one room appt. I will be moving in over the weekend, i hope.

It just hit me that it is all so very real. This is not a moment or a trial or a glitch in life. This is my life. But its ok. Because at the end of this road is love and happiness and a future where someone shares my struggles instead of creating more. Now i get to take my little space and make it look like me instead of him. So no camoflage. There will be sunny yellow on the windows and for a shower curtian. There will be ocean pictures on the walls. And a fulffy down comforter on the bed. I can roam it in my birthday suit or in my summer sundresses. I will have a table and chairs out the back door and i will roam mid town on a pretty afternoon window shopping or i will be hiking in the forest.

Yes i need another job. So i will be calling friends and putting my pride in the closet for now. Because it is about survival. And finally becoming ME.

Quench this thirst

once again the perfect explination of my own wanton need that will soon be quenched

start to finish

When baby…when will I be able….

When???

Numb

things are happening fast. I guess it is best. Like a bandaid on a wound. rip it off and scrub it clean. Start over.

He wants a legal seperation. I agreed, little did i know what it ment.
It is basically a divorce without the right to re marry. And if you decide you cant work it out, you have to do it all over again.

So i am sitting here wondering. Why do it at all? Why not just file a no contest divorce. We are going to have to seperate assest anyways. And if he thinks i am worth fighting for then let him come calling. I will not answer the door.

My phone chimed a text this morning. A simple GOOD MORNING. The first text he has ever sent me. That act alone nearly plunged me to my knees. What does he want? Does he know what he is asking of me? Or is he just a clueless fool?

I know what i want. And i need to be honest with him. I am done. The visit with the attorney needs to be the beginning of the end. Turn me lose, let me go. Let me regroup and start over. Let me spend the summer here working and planning for my future. Let me find my own path, my own happiness. Let me see my little girl married. Then let me pack my life in a U Haul and let me go where my heart leads.
Because i can not do this anymore. I do not want to live i limbo. And that is what a legal seperation is. Limbo.
Neither here nor there. And i need to be grounded to survive. I need to be free.

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