Whats next???

I finally did it… Two nights ago with calm reserve i told my husband how badly he had hurt me. And that i have not felt like a wife in years. How i have just been an accessory to his life. There were no tears, not from me or him. Just silence. He tried to blame his behavior on being a good friend and doing his duty at the wedding. He tried to blame my work for keeping me away from home. I told him that i had begun to use work to avoid him, because home was to painful.
I went so far as to tell him that as far back as 17 years ago i had written in a therapy asignment that i felt alone in my marriage, had a non existent sex life, and that he loved his stuff more than me.

Yesterday he calls me at work as if nothing was said. Did not mention a thing. I get home and he has dinner and a bottle of wine. Him on his couch, me on mine. We eat, watch tv, i drink. And just as we are about to get into bed he quietly states that he made a therapy appt for next week.

I have no clue how he wanted me to react. I have begged him for over 2 years to do that. He flatly refused. For me it is TO LITTLE TO LATE. He needs to go. Become a better man for his daughter and who ever ends up in his life down the road. But we are beyond repair. I have given him 24 years of my life. I was a good wife, friend, mother. I never asked him for anything. I worked hard to make our financial life easier. I do not feel that i have ever been a burden to him, asked for more than i deserved. In fact i accepted so much less.

So now i wonder, whats next? Where do i go from here? And how can i walk out the door, because i dont want to live here anymore. I will sort it out, one moment at a time.

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21 Comments

  1. hotlilmess said,

    May 1, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    i know this probably doesn’t mean much but i am so proud of your bravery. i have been there. That is not an easy task. *hugs*

    • loneyheart said,

      May 1, 2013 at 4:32 pm

      Thank you. it means more that you can imagine. Those here are my support system.

  2. amelthalt said,

    May 1, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    I hope you are alright lonelyheart. I’m no advice giver, but when I was in a similar situation, and it was hard, I walked out, and I was so glad I did. Not saying I didn’t feel extremely lonely after I did, but compared to the loneliness I felt in the relationship, I welcomed it. And then I was on the journey to truly being myself, and more at peace. It’s not easy. πŸ™‚

    • loneyheart said,

      May 1, 2013 at 4:33 pm

      I am ok. In a calmer place. Therapy is a good decision for him. And i will be heading back there as well. But i am ready to move on.

  3. rougedmount said,

    May 1, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    He will do anything he can to try and re-engage you and draw you back in. He will give you the smallest inkling of hope and make you doubt your resolve; make you consider the investment of your time. Don’t allow it to happen. Be strong, stay strong and live strong. You can do it.

    • loneyheart said,

      May 1, 2013 at 4:34 pm

      I have given him all of the time i had. I have been with him longer than i was ever without him. and it has been an empty existence.

  4. May 1, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    I have been exactly where you are. Take care of yourself, and don’t settle for crumbs.

    • loneyheart said,

      May 1, 2013 at 4:35 pm

      No Crumbs. I want the whole pie. Freedom, happiness, my self esteme back. I am worth so much more than this.

  5. May 1, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    This is incredibly beautifully written. I felt every word. As painful as it is I can hear years of echoes of loneliness, frustration and the love that was once there lost many years ago.
    How could anyone be together for so long and still be strangers? He does not her at all. She needs to ask him for a trial separation. Give him the choice of going to stay somewhere else for a while. See how it goes.

    • May 1, 2013 at 3:28 pm

      Or just in case you still have children at home, might want to try separate bedrooms. That way you could just say Mommy is mad at Daddy or you just can’t sleep in the same room together anymore. Just a thought.

      • loneyheart said,

        May 1, 2013 at 4:37 pm

        Our daughter is grown and gone. Time for me to be as well

    • loneyheart said,

      May 1, 2013 at 4:36 pm

      That is the next step. He needs to see his life without me, And i need to have mine without him. But if i leave i will never go back. And i think he knows that.

  6. May 1, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    You know your heart… It’s beyond repair… Then it is. I was in that place been married 24 yrs this year! I was on my way out .. Though I still loved him.. I knew that. But, I was lost myself… But the difference was I told him just as you told yours. My husband became my a dominate … I was inspired by reading and asked for that in our marriage. He took it and ran! But you know what you need.. If its broken dint waste time.. Move on and be happy!
    β€β€β€πŸ‡

  7. cjriordan said,

    May 1, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    I empathize with your situation. More than you know. I am wishing for the best possible outcome for you. πŸ™‚

  8. hispetitelle said,

    May 1, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    How hard that must have been, but you took the step that needed to be taken and that’s very brave. It’s apparent that he never really believed you because if he did he would have done something about your marriage 17 yrs ago! Sending you healing and creative thoughts so you can keep moving on.

    • loneyheart said,

      May 1, 2013 at 4:42 pm

      it took me telling him twice in 3 months that i was done. Now he has a therapy appt. But i know him. It will not last. And i will be sitting next to him looking like a crazed woman. But i do not care any more. I am so tired of begging for what i need.
      I am ready to touch the sun.

  9. Kayla Lords said,

    May 2, 2013 at 2:44 am

    I am SO proud of you. You took the first step, the hardest step…each step after becomes easier…

  10. Skeggjold said,

    May 2, 2013 at 5:18 am

    I know how you feel. I understand and can relate. Not that I have a clue of how to fix I just can relate.

  11. May 8, 2013 at 7:17 am

    Touch the sun and i hope it brings you the warmth you need.

  12. May 14, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    All the best of luck to you, my brave friend. You have a new beginning. *hugs* xxx


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