Numb

things are happening fast. I guess it is best. Like a bandaid on a wound. rip it off and scrub it clean. Start over.

He wants a legal seperation. I agreed, little did i know what it ment.
It is basically a divorce without the right to re marry. And if you decide you cant work it out, you have to do it all over again.

So i am sitting here wondering. Why do it at all? Why not just file a no contest divorce. We are going to have to seperate assest anyways. And if he thinks i am worth fighting for then let him come calling. I will not answer the door.

My phone chimed a text this morning. A simple GOOD MORNING. The first text he has ever sent me. That act alone nearly plunged me to my knees. What does he want? Does he know what he is asking of me? Or is he just a clueless fool?

I know what i want. And i need to be honest with him. I am done. The visit with the attorney needs to be the beginning of the end. Turn me lose, let me go. Let me regroup and start over. Let me spend the summer here working and planning for my future. Let me find my own path, my own happiness. Let me see my little girl married. Then let me pack my life in a U Haul and let me go where my heart leads.
Because i can not do this anymore. I do not want to live i limbo. And that is what a legal seperation is. Limbo.
Neither here nor there. And i need to be grounded to survive. I need to be free.

Advertisements

9 Comments

  1. May 21, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    Your mind and heart belongs to another, a Dom… You’ve already left and there’s nothing to regroup… Fly…
    Best Wishes,
    ❤🐇

  2. May 22, 2013 at 2:39 am

    You will be fine. Limbo is just the way of your heart and mind catching up with reality. Its a mercy and recovery time so you don’t overload. Ask your doctor for Xanax script. Reduces anxiety. it works. Be brave.

    • loneyheart said,

      May 22, 2013 at 1:45 pm

      it has been amazing to sleep. just sleep. that in itself for me has been healing. Soon the couples therapy starts. A way for us to stop blaming and for him to see that sometimes things just die. Not his fault or mine. We just drifted apart.

  3. cjriordan said,

    May 22, 2013 at 3:24 am

    You have a tough road ahead of you. I wish you the best. More importantly, I wish you strength and the ability to not forget why you chose this path. There will be times when you question it, but if you can remember the reasons why and remember your strength you will find the freedom you seek. Good luck to you. 🙂

    • loneyheart said,

      May 22, 2013 at 1:46 pm

      every time he and i talk i remember why i want to go. I will not shoulder the blame for the death of our marriage. We killed it toghether. I grew up and did not need him. He closed himself off from the world and me. And i have my strength. He calls me princess.

      • cjriordan said,

        May 23, 2013 at 1:02 pm

        It takes two people to make or break any relationship. That much is true. I have read your blog for long enough now to believe you have strength in spades and conviction that what you are doing is right for you. I’m glad for it. Even when you are done, the process is not without surprising moments of pain and acceptance, loss and regret. That is the nature of the beast. You are doing the right thing. 🙂 Best wishes to you my dear. You deserve to be in a relationship that fulfills you and enhances your life. xxo

  4. hispetitelle said,

    May 22, 2013 at 11:28 am

    No limbo! Make a true break. My x (who was the one left me) didn’t want a divorce at all. I took the initiative and filed. I needed a clean break and the love of my life was waiting for me. Sending thoughts of peace and strength to you!

    • loneyheart said,

      May 22, 2013 at 1:47 pm

      i knew if i moved out i would never go back. I am currently living in a friends down stairs and i have never felt such peace.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: