missing him

Dear lord I miss him. This is going to be a very hard week ahead.
I have not been able to talk to him much at all this past week and I have only seen his beautiful face once on cam, and a couple of pictures. Next week will be even worse. I may get to hear his voice only once.
Life and its realities will be an obstacle. But only to the time we get, not to the love we share.

You see, I believe that distance can make the heart, not grow fonder, but more aware of the love inside.
That love has to exist. I know because after I finally walked out of the house, I did not miss the man inside. The weekly dinners we have only remind me why I left. Yes he has sweet moments, but he is who he is. And I am having a wonderful life, ALONE.

My weeks are full. Work, friends, fun, the gym, reading, writing, feeling, being, doing, and loving.
Yes there is the every day domestic stuff. But there is also the moments I take to be me, to do MY stuff.
Like last night. I had dinner with a friend, walked home, made plans with my baby girl for the 4th, and then put myself in the hot tub with a glass of wine. I reveled in the fact that I had to buy a new swim suit and that it is several sizes smaller. In fact the same size I wore at age 18. Many moons ago. And that is was not a one piece. Yes I dared to wear a two piece. Not in public, but for my own self indulgent pride.

So, there it is. I am living for myself, happy in that knowledge.
And desperately missing the sound of my MOON’s voice, his smile that is just for me, the tender touch of his hand, and his kiss. The road ahead of us is going to be a difficult one. But I have never loved like this. Never had someone in my life who listened to what I said and did not put me down for it. Someone who reveled in the fact that I am not as tough as I pretend. And likes my gentle side. Who reminds me I am a lady. and makes me feel like I am.

We will get through it, but be forwarned the next week is going to be a hard one. So I may be here crying in my beer or I may go dead silent. I am trying very hard to remain positive and not put the negative nasty out there in the world. So stick with me in these most difficult of times, and see me shine again another day.alone

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3 Comments

  1. SouthernSir said,

    June 28, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    I know your feelings all to well, as I miss her greatly when we are apart. I hold her heart as she holds mine. When we are together we make the most of our time taking in as much of each other as we can.

    • loneyheart said,

      June 28, 2013 at 4:32 pm

      it is the worst kind of pain. The knowing that they are there and that you can not have that desperately needed contact.

  2. hispetitelle said,

    June 29, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    Sending you peace. You’re stronger than you know.


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