The rules

You told me I could. Break that rule. The one that I used to find so hard to follow.
I swore I wouldn’t. That I didn’t need to. You called it, taking off the edge. I wonder if you
ever imagined what my edge would be. Not the carnal need of flesh. Or simply wanton desire.

My Edge is caused by sadness, loneliness and being in the presence of the ex.
It’s from watching my daughter try on my wedding dress. From seeing her fathers tears. From watching him turn away as I changed clothes in front of him. From hiding in the bathroom to see if my wedding night gown still fit. Of wishing you could see me covered in white lace, and then rip it from me. Knowing that you would only touch me with gentle strong hands. From listening to that music over and over again. Being so able to hear you say those words to me. From the despair of not being able to see your face or hear your voice. Of wondering if she is laying next to you. Touching your beautiful flesh. If she is taking off your edge.

So I lay there in my bed in the dark. I can smell you there with me. The faintest whiff of your scent lingering in the flicker of the candle light. Our music filling in the darkness. The notes seeming to keep time with the flicker of our candles. My hands in the darkness finding the soft roundness of my breasts, of the warm wetness of my need.
How even now I wish above all else that these fingers were yours. I fight the urge to make it quick. But nothing with you ever is. It is a long languid event. Love making, not just a fast fuck. It is the slow sweet rising swell, the tide coming in before it crashes headlong on to the shore. So I do not hurry. But instead I close my eyes and see your face above me. The beauty there, the strength in your smile as you enter me. The devilish laugh as you make me gasp, filling me. The sounds of our love making filling the room in glorious waves. You are my need, my want, my desire. Without you this has become a meaningless act. But here in this moment in the darkness of my room I have you with me. You live in my every pore. In every beat of my heart. And as my body comes alive I scream your name. Tears flood my eyes and run down my cheeks. I hear you in my ear, come now my little one.

The tide has subsided and I am left alone in the dark. There is no edge. There is only the sadness. I miss you so badly my love. I do not think that I will break that rule again.



  1. July 5, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    Equisite and i love your story. There are times when I think of many things, but If we truly keep our promises of love, it will never end. We will never die though sorrow is what distance brings. For this heart full of longing for you my love, only he can mend.

  2. Gwennie said,

    July 7, 2013 at 3:25 am

    Completely breathtaking & touching *huggies*

  3. July 9, 2013 at 11:27 pm

    mmm. yes of course. the waiting edge to deliver for all

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