I have been having an interesting conversation with a friend. The world is full of changes.
And it got me to thinking, why do we put ourselves into such hard lines?
There are many of us who love the D/s life. But is it, or does it have to be so clear cut?
I believe that for some it does. There are those who are fully either Dom or Sub.
But there are so many others who honestly are both.

I know men who are powerful and in control in their daily business lives. And yet at home they are totally submissive to the women in their lives. I know women who are strong women. They run businesses and families with great success. But you put that same woman at the feet of a strong man and she becomes soft and submissive, and happy.

But what about those people who are somewhere in the middle? Those who know and love their submissive sides and still have moments where they crave the power of control? Women who love a strong powerful man, but are turned on by the idea of having a man I their lives who would wear a cage for them? Men who love the control they have over a woman happy at his feet, and yet is a man who would be happy to forego an orgasm just to live with his face between that woman’s thighs? Where do these people fit? And how do they find their match?

How does a strong man who has these submissive tendencies find a place safe enough to admit all that he is?
Where does a woman go who craves the control over a man find one who does not turn her off because she still needs him to be A MAN? These people are not clearly D/s. Yes they lean to one side or the other, but they are not Vanilla either. They love the kink, they need it. Yet in the D/s community, where do they fit?

I think that love is a powerful thing. That when people slow down and take time to fall in love, they really learn about each other. That the barriers fall and honesty becomes paramount. That is when we let all of our truths out into the open, and let the chips fall where they may. It is never an easy thing to bare ones soul. To be that honest. But it is in that honesty that we find our match.

It is my deepest hope that my friend find his match. That woman who is a woman in every since of the word.
One who loves being female and all that is wrapped up in it. One who wants to find adventure in love. Who wants to explore, not only the world but their desires and kinks. One who is strong yet soft. One who wants a man to sweep her off her feet and yet would be happy to have moments when that same man wants only to burry his face between her thighs. A woman who would love for him to wear a cage for her. And in turn would wear the most beautiful stilettos for him. One who takes an interest in the career he is building. Who honors him with taking pride in the hard work he does. I know that there is a woman out there for him. But I know that first he has to be true to himself. To honor who he truly is, to step up to the plate and be all he is instead of who he has been because it was the easy path.

And I am a woman who is grateful to have him as a friend.
But I am also a woman who met her match. That man who took his time to get to know me. The one who stood by as my barriers slowly came tumbling down. Who let me be the true me. He sees and encourages the strength in me, but reminds me that it is ok to be soft. I love that man with all that I am. I hate to think who I would of become if he had not been that strong man I so needed In my life. I walked a bumpy road. I went down a path or two that took me places I am not proud I went. And yet he was always there. Waiting for me to see the true value in myself.
Waiting for me to be able to say I LOVE YOU. To find the love inside of myself that I could share so freely with him. To open myself up to the D/s life that I had no idea existed. And to be honest I think I helped him find who he truly was. I love the softness I see in his eyes and the power if feel in his hands.

I know this is has meandered a bit. But it is all about change. Living thru it, accepting it, thriving in the face of it. Nothing is ever easy. But everything worth having is worth fighting for. So here is to all of us fighting for what we want. Wether it be Dominance, Submission, or somewhere in between. Even if it is finding our match in what ever life style we choose. In finding our true selves so that we can find the match for us. And most of all to LOVE. The greatest thing to fight for and to change for.



  1. July 7, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    This is a great post! I want to find a man like your friend – one who is able to embrace every facet of himself and his partner. I’m that strong woman who craves a man to dominate me most days, but who is also very turned on by the idea of a man in a cage who will service me and behave as if my body and the sweetness between my legs are all that exist. I have always been in the gray areas of life. I like being a bit of a contradiction, a walking oxymoron. One day I hope to find someone who loves that about me.

    • loneyheart said,

      July 7, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      he is a darling man who has lived to many years with nothingness. Duty and honor have kept him where he is. I hope he finds true happiness and grasps that honor does not mean that you have to suffer. But that you can honorably exit unhappiness.

  2. July 7, 2013 at 7:49 pm

    He is the man for me, I could not love you more. He holds my heart, caresses my soul. Each breath I take for you I want him more. He is my everything to me and I will stay right by his side each and every day.
    I love you It’s true And I am so lucky to share life with you. I could not bare to go on living without.

  3. Curious Man said,

    July 8, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    Each relationship is unique. I still want to believe that what you have found is possible for all who are brave enough to be true to themselves and who can open their hearts and minds to so many incredible possibilities life gives us.

  4. July 21, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    Life, humans, nature, and the Universe/Multiverse are forever evolving, forever changing, forever morphing into something new, different. It is the same in our lifestyle. Some embrace it, others fight it. Care to guess who eventually wins? 😉

  5. Skeggjold said,

    October 17, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    I was always into D/S and married someone who was not. It was known before the knot was tied. However reading your post made me smile.

    • loneyheart said,

      October 17, 2013 at 4:53 pm

      I never knew. I was in a very vanilla marriage. In time I discovered some of my desires. Now I am trying to find my place. I know I can not live a fully involved D/s life. But I crave it in an intimate setting. Many things that seem vanilla to me are naturally submissive. So one day I hope to fully grasp all of who I am and have that with someone who gets it. For now I am enjoying life and learning its lessons.

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