Shes back*** lord help me

the_green-eyed_monster-299590

And the knight came forth to slay the dragon!!

I wish there were a knight who could slay this one, or at least put a muzzle on her.
My head keeps running off down moss covered paths. The place where demons lurk. Where amazon women lay claim
to pirates. And where fair maidens are chained to trees and left for dragons to consume.
There is no doubt in my mind of his love. It is my own insecurity. Time away from him feels like an eternity.
And even though I have heard his voice it does little to slay the demon that lives in my own head.
There are not enough words to keep it at bay. I hate feeling like this. I hate giving into the dark madness.
But I have been abandon one to many times. It is the issue that I deal with most in therapy.

I have been left… And so I trust so little. I take a long time to love..Because love is a weakness that leaves you an easy prey for the vultures. And even when I manage to give my heart I keep it tethered close by so that I may pull it back in a moments notice. I am trying very hard with him to not yank the chain. I am trying to learn that love and trust are not always easy paths. But worth the risk.

But right now in this moment I am consumed. And the damn green eyed monster is lurking just under the surface daring to rise to the top. Someone please shoot the beast before it can do any damage.

Advertisements

14 Comments

  1. July 8, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    Beautiful post.Don’t worry. If he loves you and you love him, and your love is very high and clear, no-one can stop you. Not even jealousy.

  2. onegirlinamillion said,

    July 8, 2013 at 4:42 pm

    Find another male friend or two whom you find attractive. It’s a pleasant distraction for when they are distracted. Time spent with others helps to remind each other that it’s OK to let more than one person meet your needs. It also helps to build trust for both parties one you both keep coming back. I don’t buy the whole…he’s poly, but I am monogamous. A RELATIONSHIP is poly or mono and I am definitely more on the poly end of things. Just my thoughts. The best way to deal with the green eyed monster in each of us is to face it.

    • loneyheart said,

      July 8, 2013 at 6:05 pm

      I wish it were that easy. but we both are slowly exiting relationships. I am just further out the door than he is. And family obligations require he spend more time with her from time to time. I trust him fully, I still just want to punch her in the face. And I am a one man woman. I have done the multiple thing and it is not for me. But I thank you for your kind reply

  3. July 8, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    I hate my green-eyed monster, too. No matter what I know to be true, that monster always manages to “win over” my thoughts and it’s so hard to chase it away again!

    • loneyheart said,

      July 8, 2013 at 6:07 pm

      it is like the quote says, it is our own insecurities and inability to accept things that causes the problem. Not our love for them or our trust. I am working on me.

  4. onegirlinamillion said,

    July 9, 2013 at 12:01 am

    I had an experience with jelousy not too long ago. There is local Dom who appeared interested in me and whom I was very interested in meeting. We have corresponded, although the guy has played with my affections to a degree. He has had full permission to meet with me at any point that he wanted to do so. Instead he took my only RL submissive friend on a date. I only know this because she made a big deal about telling my husband about it. I could tell something was up with her, by the way she was acting. So I read their correspondence and that’s how I found out. I lashed out in anger over it, because I was hurt. How can this person who I held in such high esteem not want to meet me, but he has no problem taking my friend on a date. I suppose if he had in fact felt something for me, then my feeling so hurt would be justified. He has made it explicitly clear that he finds everything about me repugnant. Hey, now I know.

    • onegirlinamillion said,

      July 9, 2013 at 12:10 am

      If they guy had in fact liked me, the way I likes him or had an interest in my submission, then my hurt feeling would have been a normal reaction to someone acting in poor taste. A man should not take out the friend of someone he wants to invest himself in when he hasn’t even met her yet. If the tables were turned, and he liked me too, then going out with his friend without ever having met him would be a shitty thing to do to someone. Is that real jealousy or is it a normal human reaction to a person treating me badly?

  5. onegirlinamillion said,

    July 9, 2013 at 12:12 am

    *liked* typing on my phone is difficult.

  6. onegirlinamillion said,

    July 9, 2013 at 12:19 am

    I really hate commenting using my phone. Let me try this again.

    If the guy had in fact liked me, the way I liked him or had an interest in my submission, then my hurt feeling would have been a normal reaction to someone acting in poor taste. A man should not take out the friend of someone he wants to invest himself in when he hasn’t even met her yet. If the tables were turned, and he liked me too, then going out with his friend without ever having met him would be a shitty thing to do to someone. Is that real jealousy or is it a normal human reaction to a person treating me badly?

    • loneyheart said,

      July 9, 2013 at 3:01 am

      I think it is more the rejection rather than jealousy. We have an attraction to people and want them to feel the same about us in return. And when they don’t it hurts. The kicker is your friend never should of crossed that line. She knew your attraction and the rule is always , girlfriends before cock. So you are hurt and with good reason.

      • onegirlinamillion said,

        July 9, 2013 at 4:02 am

        She is obviously not my friend and has been booted out of my life. Rejection I can handle. No problem. He never had the decency to bother rejecting me. Given the nature of our on again off again online correspondence, I had no reason to believe that he felt as repulsed by me that he apparently feels. I don’t care how he feels about me anymore, because now that I am aware of these feelings I have no reason to feel anything for him. He is not who I imagined him to be. He’s not a bad person, just someone who treated me carelessly. It doesn’t matter anymore.

  7. July 9, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    If a relationship is going to happen then so much is out of your control. It has to natural, a chemistry and connection. desire and passion. It exist from the start. it is both coming together wanting each other. Not just beacause you say its so.

    • onegirlinamillion said,

      July 15, 2013 at 2:55 am

      Not sure (f this comment was meant for me or not, but if so-no worries. He and I don’t have a relationship and we NEVER will. :p


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: