I have never cried so hard and so much in my life. The sound of his voice, the smile on his face, these are all things that bring me such joy. But in those moments where I have to let him go I feel as if my heart has been ripped out. As if the world has given me just this one last moment with him. And that I will be cursed to never know his touch again. He calls me LITTLE ONE, and I feel small, lost in this big world. A girl instead of a woman who has not control over her future. One who saw a life she no longer wanted and dared to try and find something more. And now that she has, is not so sure that it is hers to keep. That the universe will take this great love and use it to punish her for all of her past sins. Giving and taking, the cosmic Karma of life.

So I sit on the floor, my back against the kitchen cabinets as the tears are ripped from me. They do not fall in gentle streams down my cheeks, but in raging rapids. They come from deep within my tortured and frightened heart.  I am once again caged. Not by one who can not truly love me and holds me as a comfort. But trapped in a cage of my own fears. I will fight my way out. I will find and live a life of love. I will not ever give in or give up. But I wish that someone could find a way to dam the tears before I drown in them.

1 Comment

  1. July 9, 2013 at 11:29 pm

    Alice did find a way remember? Muah

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