crown royal, cigarettes, and tears

So today we saw the attorney. A divorce where I live, when un contested can take only a matter of days. So we are going to make it official in October. We need time to come to financial decisions in an amicable way. As well as get our daughter married. There were a few rough words between us and lots of tears. But in the end he has come to understand that we simply grew apart. Each wanting and needing something from  the other that we could not give. So I am sitting here at my new home doing something he hates. Smoking and drinking. It is not a past time that I partake in on a reg basis. But in the past in times of severe stress I have caved to the need for some form of rebellion.

In our early marriage he said.. I would rather you cheat than smoke. Well as of this moment I think I have officially covered all of the above. I have a crown royal reserve on the rocks and a pack of Newport 100s. I am sure I have cried all of the tears in me for the night. And as I have a full day of work tomorrow, I can only be so bad. I am after all a responsible adult.

I am aware that my current actions will be a disappointment to some. But this is my one tiny act of defiance. Tomorrow when I wake up I will once again be the big girl in the gym. Taking proper care of HIS SHIT. But for now, in my moment of freedom, I am breaking rules and  staring a the moon, knowing that happiness is mine to graps. as soon as I put down the damn cancer stick.

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4 Comments

  1. July 19, 2013 at 4:16 am

    Know that there are other’s who have felt that loss in life and who share your sorrow and would offer consolement and thoughts this day for you…

  2. July 19, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Oh dear…you are holding up remarkably well. If it were me I’d be doing a victory dance. Based on what you have been through not all loss is a bad thing. I am proud of you. On the brighter side Freedom and Happiness is really a health thing too. I think you are on your way. You just prolonged your life today.

  3. hispetitelle said,

    July 19, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    Sending you thoughts of peace.

  4. rougedmount said,

    July 19, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    i have an emergency stash of cuban cigars for the exact same reason…


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