Don’t love me… Just Fuck Me

I know… the title sounds harsh. But the truth feels just that harsh.
Mari posted a lovely decleration this morning to her love about her need of him. It made me remember a conversation I had almost 2 years ago.

My marriage was broken and I had hit the lowest spot of my life. I had a long distance on line relationship with a man who turned out to be the worst lesson I ever had to learn. He was a man who wanted to share me with everyone, male, female, canine, and equine. When I extracted myself from that madness he told me that for a girl with so little experience in love I was a master at breaking hearts. I bit back at him with the words… I guess I should of told you from day one… DONT LOVE ME JUST FUCK ME.

Here it is, months down the road and I am sure that my stupid little heart is uncapable of real love. And that I am just as he said, the queen of hearbreak and destruction. I hurt everyone I touch, everyone I love. I have since I was a small girl. Put here on this earth to rain down fire on tender hearts. I do not live in the dark.. I live in the eternal flames of hell on earth. Wanting so desperately to be loved, and running from it the moment it gets to real, to close. Or maybe it never got close enough? Who knows…

But for now I am embracing the fire. Taking my hair back to the Scarlett Harlot that once was. I can feel the burning fires within and they want to cause the world to cower in fear. The princess is about to become the Queen.
She will show no weakness, she will feel no love. She will only do what she has to, to protect herself. And lord help mortal man. Because she will show no mercy.

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2 Comments

  1. phoenixasubbie said,

    August 27, 2013 at 2:27 am

    To cut ourselves off from love and the possibilities of it, is to only hurt ourselves. But we must first love ourselves and I am still learning that myself.

    I wish you healing, as it sounds like you need it. And I don’t mean that in any kind of snarky way. I truly wish you happiness and peace

    • loneyheart said,

      August 27, 2013 at 3:18 pm

      thank you. there are days when it is just so hard. but I am trying to take one moment at a time.


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