Pain

Engulfed in it
Drowning in it
Washed out to sea by it
Never denying it
The physical part of it
The heart of it
The how do I get away from it

With every breath it consumes me
With every movement burns thru me
My body screaming, why do you to this to me
My heart crying, me to

Days and memories
Dreams and hopes
All marred by it
Scared by it
The pain you see
The pain you don’t
All holding my breath in my chest
All burning my body and soul
Mental confusion
Emotional Delusion

All I want is for it to stop

But I need to let go
Let peace have a place
Let love and time and hope find space
Instead I hold it in my tightly closed fist
And squeeze the life right out of it
Fear grasps at me
Tears flow from me
Dreams and hopes die inside of me
All because I won’t just let him love me
Some fear of worth, some hate of self
Some knowledge that life will never be easy
Some want to change my life
Some fear that I don’t

And so I live alone in my pain
And I cause him to live alone in his

Advertisements

4 Comments

  1. loneyheart said,

    August 29, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    I wish I could separate the mental and physical parts of my life. The more my heart hurts the more my body hurts. And right now I am barley functional in either category.

  2. August 29, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    😦 Try to find positive aspects of your life to focus on. Maybe talk to a counselor or therapist? Maybe even consider antidepressants? This depth of sadness that you’re feeling IS affecting your body, and your health. You must find a way out of it. I have been praying for you, and will continue.

    • loneyheart said,

      August 29, 2013 at 4:32 pm

      Thank you. At the moment it is the weight of a divorce that is just not done yet. And that Monday should of been my 24th wedding anniversary. My baby girl gets married in 8 weeks. And I am mentally shutting down right now. I have been in therapy. and yes I need to go back. And meds do not help me much. I do better working thru it rather than masking it. So i am taking some time for me. and i know things will get better.

  3. August 29, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    She is mist and myth from the sea, a deep ocean of unknown and only of consciousnesses unto herself. A choice was made but not revealing.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: