Those languages of love

I have the most darling client. She has been a widow for almost 3 yrs now. And often we talk about the power of a hug. The simple need for touch. And how just a hug can fill the dark places.

Part of my therapy was digging into what kinds of language i needed and how i spoke love to those around me.
I am a touch girl. That is not always sex. I need held and kissed and hugged.
To be told i am beautiful is one thing. To have it shown to me by a passionate kiss is another. To have someone walk up to me and gently touch my face is almost as powerful. To see that look in someones eyes as they look deeply into yours. To have their full and undevided attention.

I am good at giving the words. I am good at giving the touch. I love to buy gifts. But i did that with my ex. And i learning to stop before i shop. I am trying hard to listen to those around me and learn how they need love rather than just giving it in the way I want it. Because it is not just for your intimate partners. How you extend love to your friends is just as important.
My closest girlfriend is a “Quality Time” girl. So we do dinner. We talk. She is very busy, so to just sit and chat is a big thing to her.
My darling Master, is a “Words of Affirmation” man. He needs his ego feed. To remind him that he is in control, and that he can conquer the world if he chooses. My ex was a mix of “Quality time and Acts of Service” He needed you to hang out with him. To just be close. And to show him love thru a clean house and food on the table.

It is vital to listen to those around you and to learn that how we need love is not how others need it. And that if we truly love them we will have to step out of our comfort zones to give them love in the manner that they need.

It is part of my current life learning. Taking stock in myself and those around me. Those i hold dear. And learning to talk to them in the ways they need. I know i have fallen short in some of those aspects. I have not feed some of the people in my life. But i am facing the fact that sometimes it is hard to give when your own plate feels so empty.

In my job i touch people all day. But it is a profession in which people NEED you. It sucks the energy from you. And i have come to grasp that my lack of return human contact is taking an emotional toll on me. I am draining my own energy reserves in taking care of everyone else. And it is a huge part of my current RETREAT status. I need time away, where no one needs me. Where i do not have to touch a single soul. Yes i know i will not be getting the touch i so desperately need in return. But to not have to give, will be a relief.

I hope that i will find ways to fill my energy reserves. To be feed myself. But for now, life is one breath at a time. One moment at a time. One heartbeat at a time.

And i hope that everyone knows and understands that i am in preservation mode right now. It is not from a lack of love or concern. I am simply hiding because i am so drained. I fear i will lose what is left of myself if i do not find a healthy way to cope with life as it currently is.

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1 Comment

  1. loneyheart said,

    August 29, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    I am constantly boggled by the fact that you seem so confidant that you know the real me, when I am so unsure of who I am myself. It is that bold confidence from you that I have always found so exciting and endearing. I hope that I find the girl you are so sure is lurking somewhere beneath the surface of this currently dark murky pond.


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