moms eyes

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this morning I was getting ready and the face in the mirror seemed strange and yet familiar to me. It was those eyes. My normally very brown eyes were a hue of green. There was a distant look in them that seemed to be searching. They were not mine, but Hers…

It has been many years since I have seem my mom. We each made choices that we have had to live with. She choose to stay with my abusive step father, and I choose to leave and never look back because I have a daughter to protect.

But this morning I saw her in me. I saw her eyes looking back at me. My mothers sad searching eyes. To me she was always the most beautiful woman on the planet. But her eyes spoke volumes about her life. The deep pain and sadness she had endured. And in that moment I knew that life is indeed a circle. We are all fated to repeat part of our parents life. To have that moment where we have to stop and learn from their mistakes.

So thank you mom… She chose a road that did not make her happy. She did it because she was afraid. She had a life that everyone else saw as blessed. But they did not know what really lived inside. I do not want to see my mothers eyes on my face again. I want my own. Deep and dark chocolate brown. Full of defiant sparkle. Full of happiness and love. And I will make the changes in my own self so that I can see them in the mirror. And that others can see them too.

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3 Comments

  1. hispetitelle said,

    September 10, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    You made me think of who my children see in my eyes. I want them to see love and life, peace and joy, beauty and passion. I did not get that example from my mother. I so want my son and daughter to have freedom in their hearts and not fear, anger, mistrust, and depression. That is my mother’s legacy.

    • loneyheart said,

      September 10, 2013 at 5:37 pm

      I know the feeling. My mom had wonderful moments. But there was always the 3 day rule. every 3 days hell was going to break lose. I have tried hard to be a better mother than she was. Now I want to be a better woman. Because she never was strong enough to be true to herself, she only did what would make others happy. and to this day I see a broken woman when I see her eyes.

  2. September 11, 2013 at 11:50 am

    Our mothers weakness’ or strengths make us who we are today.
    Weither you’re wanting to be stronger then her or see ugliness in her strength.. And want something different… They molded us and we will do better…
    Insightful post… Hugs!
    LK ❤🐇


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