Moving forward

I am in a space in my life that is uncomfortable and a bit painful. I have decided to not be Obeyme15’s pet, mistress, girlfriend, long distance lover…..

He is a kind and loving man. He has held my hand through some wicked rough spots in the last 15 months. But he is also a natural born dominate. And while I have enjoyed much of that during our time together I am struggling. I have lived through an abusive child hood, a complacent marriage, an ongoing divorce that is emotionless, and watching my baby girl begin her own life. Every step making me ask myself very deep and serious questions.

Who am I really? What do I want? Where do I want to be? Now, a yr from now 5 yrs from now? And in all truth, I DONT KNOW.

I have leaned on him for support and help in making some tough decisions. But I have to make some steps on my own. Trust my own judgment. And that is just to hard for him. He wants to protect me, care for me. But I need to do this on my own.

And then there are the issues of his own life. He has things that he needs to do. And I wish him only happiness. Freedom from a life that has stifled his true self. I am hoping he can find a way out of his cage and be who he really is. Right now he is angry with me, he is hurt. And that knowledge is painful. I love that man dearly. He has touched a place in my soul that I did not know was there. He has been my Moon in the darkness of night, and in all honesty will continue to be. Many things in our lives are there because of each other.

But for now, in this moment, I must stand on my own. Call it foolish, call it defiant, call it what ever you wish. But I can not grow into the woman I want to be if I can not learn to stand up and just be myself. I want to unlock my heart from the past. To find a way to embrace the future. And to love freely without the bonds of my life holding me back in fear. So I am taking life one step at a time. And I hope that we both find our way. If the fates declare that our paths are destined to go together, then when the time is truly right they will merge again.

I am one who believes that everything happens for a reason. The way it was meant to. We learn that way, we become better or worse that way. But nothing is just chance. It has a reason, a path, a place. And I hope to find where my place is. Because his will always be in my heart.

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5 Comments

  1. blueskiesb said,

    September 13, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    A very nice post. I wish the best of luck to you. I’m learning to stand by myself perdominantly in my work – working on my own projects and developing my confidence – I invite you to take a look at my journey – http://www.blueskiesbegins.wordpress.com

  2. September 13, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    All you can do is move forward… Find yourself…
    Sending hugs…

    LK 🐇❤

  3. phoenixasubbie said,

    September 13, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    Wish you both happiness and peace.

  4. September 14, 2013 at 12:04 am

    Seems so many of us are trying to find a way to be the woman we want to be.
    We’ve both started taking those steps, good luck with your journey…x

  5. airasetsunyo said,

    September 15, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    i am very sorry for the heartache you both must have. i hope that you both find the calm and peacefulness you search for. Hugs
    yours in life and leather
    aira
    slave of DarkHouse
    Dungeonbag.com
    Corsetpassion.com


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