in love with the idea

There are moments in your life when you realize something.

I was in love with the idea..

the idea of being his pet

the idea of being special

the idea of being loved  and protected by the mountain of a man

the idea of being his everything, even when I realized that was not even remotely realistic

the idea of having a life style that would not require me to work, even though I always will, because I want to

the idea of the fantasy life that we both crave

the idea of meeting him at the door drink in hand, even though I think he drinks to much, and it worries me

the idea of loving his controlling ways, even though it really pissed me off every day to have to account for my schedule

Yes there were many wonderful moments.

But reality and fantasy… hopes, dreams, desires and cold hard truth… well those are very different things.

And while I will tell you that he is a good, kind and giving man. I will also say this… he can be harsh and bitter and mean spirited.

He learned that from the best teacher on this earth. The amazon bitch. And I wish for him nothing but love and happiness, and truth. I hope he finds the woman who can give him everything he desires. And that she is more than just and idea.. but a reality.


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