Feeling is hard

Living shut down is easy. You just put one foot in front of the other. But it is not living it is existing.

I am struggling with this Feeling Life. It is what I have asked for. It is what I know is healthy and necessary. But damn it hurts.

Especially when you are forced to watch someone you love go thru the pain of feeling. You see confidence waver. You see strength crumble before you very eyes. And it makes you feel even more, which hurts.

I am so torn at the moment. I am a toucher, a feeler, a hugger, a holder. When I see a person in pain, I want to hold them, to stroke away the emotional pain. And yesterday I was gently let known that sometimes I am just to much. Now I am sitting on the edge wondering how far I can let my own self go or if I need to practice some restraint. I see him struggling, I see him in pain. But it is not about me, it is how do I help him heal with love?

It is one day, one moment, one breath at a time.

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5 Comments

  1. Skeggjold said,

    November 8, 2013 at 8:37 pm

    Dancing on glass,

    • loneyheart said,

      November 8, 2013 at 8:47 pm

      it is a dance I will gratefully take. he has been my rock in some very painful moments. Now I get to return the strength. I knew the loss was hard on him. I did not grasp the depth of his pain. His inability to give his family a next generation has made him feel like less of a man. It is something that I never stopped to think about. Even my father is having children into his late 60’s. I do not know what to say or how to be except to tell him how deeply I love him. Life is fragile indeed

  2. b.l. ronan said,

    November 8, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    You’re doing all you can. Leaving the window cracked, ever ready for the moment he wishes to be rescued, x

    • loneyheart said,

      November 8, 2013 at 10:29 pm

      i am sure this is not a rescue mission. It is more a moment of reassurance. Letting him know his worth is not in his ability to plant human seed. But in the love he gives to his friends and family. His giving so freely of his time and attention to all of those around him is what makes him a man. He is truly a precious and true heart.

      • b.l. ronan said,

        November 8, 2013 at 10:33 pm

        He will hear your song, as long as you are near to whisper it into his ear. He will feel your love as it is pure and steadfast.


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