The moments that break your heart, and how love mends it all

Yesterday should of been her birthday. That sweet beautiful baby girl that was his little sister. He was only a tiny boy himself, no more than 5. But when she came into this world he was the proudest big brother of them all. 13 short months later she was gone. How does a little boy grasp it? Like all little ones he was resilient and moved on, grew up.

Life threw him some serious curve balls. Parents who tried but didn’t make it. A mom, who despite all of the love in her heart could not battle the demons in her head and ended her life when he was just 21. How does a young man bury his own mother?

Thru it all he struggled. Made some life choices that nearly took him out. Made some decisions that proved he was indeed a deep and loving man. Raised a family that was not his own as if they were. Took on two little boys when most men are still boys themselves and became their dad. School and sports and fishing and lessons in life. Until the day that their mom decided to move on, breaking his gentle heart.

God did not bless him with children of his own. And on days like yesterday, when he saw the sadness in his dads eyes. When he spoke of the life she might of had. Of the grandchildren that never will be. It breaks your heart. To hear this wonderful man talk about himself as LESS THAN. To hear him say that God took the wrong one. To see him broken and beaten because he thinks he let the family down. When I know different. When I sat with his grandma and looked at family pictures and saw the pride in her eyes, heard the love in her voice.

I sat with him and let him talk it out. I cried because I can not change what is, what was. I felt the weight he carries every day. And when he dared to tell me that I deserved more of a man than him I sat in stunned silence, and cried some more. And in the end I looked him in the eyes and told him this…

I grew up used and abused. Treated like an object instead of a cherished child. And I learned to not trust. I married to escape that life, and ended up in a cold marriage for almost 25 years. And I kept my heart locked away. But then one day I meet him. We both were shut down, closed off. And for a moment in time we dared to let each other in. For some reason I knew that with him I was safe. I was loved and cherished and would be protected. Those are the traits of a true man. There is no BETTER man for me. He is exactly who I needed. Exactly how I needed him. He is honest and real and fragile and strong and open. He talks to me during the hard moments and knows that he has all of my heart. We take the broken pieces and glue them back together. Is it perfect? NO. But it is good enough for us. Because love fills in the cracks. Life takes on character. And in the end I will have lived the best parts of my life with the best man of my life. One who calls me pumpkin, and his queen. The one who’s eyes sparkle when he looks at me. And if he keeps talking shit about my man like that I will kick his ass with a very high pointed heel.

Somewhere in the darkness, lit only by the light of the fireplace, he kissed me. One of those deep, sweet, long and tender kisses. One that speaks volumes. One that never needs words. We went to bed and held each other thru the night. And when the daylight broke thru the morning fog we both knew that today was a new day. And that no matter what, we had each others backs and that life can throw at us what ever it wants. We will be OK.



1 Comment

  1. phoenixasubbie said,

    November 8, 2013 at 5:34 pm


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