Stubborn Woman

Yes that is me. Full on stubborn, bull headed, defiant and unmoving… well sometimes.

I have had this wicked sinus crap going on. And it is trying to settle in my chest. And as every woman over 40 knows, there comes a time when no matter how many kegel exercises you do, if you cough or sneeze, you leak. Gross I know, but a reality.

So yesterday I ended up in the pharmacy next door. I left with nose spray, cough medicine and depends pads for women. I refused to go home. Buy 5:30 my darling boyfriend was off work and we opted to stay in town because bowling started at 7:00. He had not seen me and only spoken to me via text. The moment he saw me and heard me he demanded I either go home to bed or to the er. I snarled and told him I would do neither. Home and bed would only increase the chances of it settling in my chest. And I did not need the er. I needed time for the medicine to work.

So we bowled. And I kicked his butt. Some how my in ability to breath required me to slow the Fuck down and therefore improve my aiming skills. Something he has been telling me for months. OOPS. I guess I should listen to the coach.

The other Ha Ha moment of the night was that we had to bowl with Sam. The cutest and sweetest girl. And the girl I had just found out the day before that he had kissed in a moment of celebration upon bowling a 299 game. I have to be honest, I was a  bit green with envy. But some how last night I stopped and had this moment of clarity. It was a kiss, like a smack on the ass during a football game. A big High 5. And it went no where. And like that I just let it go.

That darling man asks me to marry him on an almost daily basis. And last night he did it again. I looked at him and smiled, gave him a soft kiss and laughed and showed him the bowling themed wedding cake I found on pintrest, ( yes I am ashamed, I was on pintrest) He wanted to know if they had a proper cake topper. Of course he loved the one I found of a bowling couple. When a friend saw the pics and asked if we were really thinking about that, I froze. I answered yes. But in that moment I thought. HOLLY SHIT, what if he changes his mind. We ended up having a conversation about babies. And decided that the desire to have a child of OUR own was normal. But that our future was meant to be lived spoiling each other and the special Olympic kids that he coaches. You see, I have been blessed. The last 2 years I have been searching. I did not know who I was or what I wanted, except to be loved unconditionally. I went thru lovers who tried to mold me into what they wanted, because if you stand for nothing you will fall for anything. I have been a Dom, a Sub, a lesbian, and simply broken.

But somewhere in it all I was learning. Finding out what I did not want. Finding out who I did not want to be. Every day with him I learn more. I see my life in the years ahead. Things right now are hard. Business is very slow and it has me running scared. But I have a plan. And it will work… why because I am a Stubborn Woman. Once I figure it out, there is no stopping me. I am a force of nature, a demon to be reckoned with. I see happiness and peace and contentment. Not settling, but growing and shining in the darkness. And I will make it all come to pass.

Somehow, you gotta love that.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: