oh how things change

I was sure I had messed up beyond repair. In the time before my divorce my mind had gone down the proverbial rabbit hole. The sadness in me seemed to spur me into self destruction. I had begun to drink more than ever, and I started smoking. But that was the least of my self destructiveness. I joined several on line groups. I found myself in several relationships that were shallow and meaningless. I simply wanted to feel something even it was only pain. Because at least pain was something. some of those did at least help me discover some things about myself. I love sub/dom play. and I like both sides of it but mostly the sexual submissive side. but given the right shoes my dominate wench will show up in force. And while I do not ever choose to live with or permanently partner up with a woman, I do love playing with a girl from time to time.

I think that life needs to teach us lessons. I needed to see that I was a desirable woman, even if the people in my life at the time were so not healthy for me. I needed to learn that I deserved so much more than my ex ignoring me, or toxic people.

Somehow I got lucky. I have been blessed with a wonderful man. He tells me I am sexy which at first blew my mind. And now it only inspires me to try more. He calls me his Queen which makes me want to treat him like a King. He accepts me as I am and does not try to change me. He encourages me to express and explore my sexuality. And with him I feel safe doing it. I have moments when my past rears it ugly head, but its ok because I know he understands better than almost anyone could. He asks me why I love him, but honestly how could I not. He has opened his heart and his home to me and my children. He kisses me like I am his life and makes love to me like I am his world. He does not just say the words, he shows me with his actions. He has changed things in his life to spend time with me. For us to build a life and a home. He is my life and my love. And I want to be with him for  the rest of my days. I love sleeping next to him. To sleep curled up in his arms. To wake up next to him and hear him tell me good morning my queen.

I wish sometimes I could erase some of my past. But it has made me who I am, and for that I am grateful. Life is truly good and I am looking forward to the happiness to come.



1 Comment

  1. dievca said,

    January 5, 2014 at 10:26 am

    Lucky You! Remember your past shapes who you are for the present and future. Maybe you wouldn’t be so solidly his Queen if you didn’t look around a bit before you connected.

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