when life forces you to make a change

my life has been full of changes. Divorce, self reliance, finding love, losing love, losing control, regaining control, moving my business, finding real happiness and love, physical issues, facing the lost of a 23 yr career, having a moment when I thought ” I know what else I want to be when I grow up” realizing that I should of figured that out years ago. And that trying to make it happen now was,,, well a challenge at best. Life is just a constant rolling sea. And I am at the moment feeling lost in the waves. I have a lot of skills. Daily life skills. I can handle anything skills. But very few, ass in a desk college education skills. And now I am over 40 and realizing that pay checks that don’t require back breaking labor kinda need that book smarts shit.

I would love to have that fantasy job that lets me dress like a girl and wear beautiful shoes. But alas I do not believe that those really exist. I want it all, a ck that covers my expenses which in reality are not that much. No weekends or evenings because I love my life and the things that I have during non 8 to 6 daylight hours. It is either I find that job or I go into the adult entertainment industry. And no I am not joking. But no one really wants to see a 5′ 3″ 43 yr old size 14/16 woman be sexy as fuck. So it seems that while I now have a better grasp of who I really am and what I want from life, these were the lessons I needed in my 20’s when I could do something about them.

So I am taking life as I always have, one breath at a time and waiting to see what lesson I need to learn next.



1 Comment

  1. sarvjit said,

    February 7, 2014 at 6:24 pm

    Your better days are waiting for you. Follow your heart and you’ll catch them.

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