learning is never easy

tea and cookies

some days are reality checks. Facing the reality that years of being with one person makes moving on hard. You are with them for so long that intimacy becomes involentary. They know how to touch you to flip all of the switches. There is no though, just natural reaction to years of training.

And then you move on.

And it all gets difficult. You meet someone who is the perfect match of your heart but the mechanics seem off. You try so hard to be all that they want and what happens is the switches get stuck in the off position. Or flat go into hiding. And then frusteration sets in. For EVERYONE. I cant seem to stop focusing on making him happy to just relax and enjoy myself. He is trying so hard to get me there and eventually feels like he is a failure.

In my previous life there were two sayings I wish I still had

1. women are like tea pots. they take a long time to get hot but when they do they stay that way

2. sex is like a Chinese dinner. its not over until everyone gets a cookie

 

So I am here, all grown and still learning about sex. Still adjusting to my body.Trying to find ways to express my wants and needs and desires without denting egos and feelings. One day, one breath, one moment at a time. Until everyone gets to have tea and cookies.

 

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