I am not your mother

Every day life teaches me a lesson. This has been a hard one. I am not the worlds Mother. Yes I care and that makes me motherly. Yes I give loving support and direction, but that does not make me someone’s mother either. Yes I bake cookies like a fiend, but that does not dictate that I am the MOMMY. I cook, I clean, I mend, I make. But I am not the MOMMY.

There are grown people in my life who need a friend. A friend is there for support in hard times. A shoulder to lean on, someone to dry your tears. The bringer of icecream when your heart is broken. To bring the casserole when life is lost and hearts need reminded to feed the body. Friends do not fix your problem. But they make the suffering less painful as you trudge your way into the fire to fix it yourself.

I have to stop trying to be the fixer of broken stuff. To let people stand on their own two feet. To get their own shit done. Even those who declare that they are GROWN UPS but who some times act more like children. If I do their stuff for them, they will never be able to stand alone and do it for themselves.

This is not easy for me. But I have found that in being the mommy, I have become resentful. Why do I end up angry at you? I am the one who put us in this place. I did not simply go and tend my own garden. But instead I tried to plant yours. And when things shrivled from lack of water, when weeds overtook fine fruit, It was not I who suffered, but you. And now I to have a larder that is empty. Because I did not attend to my own needs. I was over run with my worry for you. So now we are learning. You to show the world through action. and me to show myself by inaction.

I am not your mother. But I am your friend, your love, your support system, and sometimes even yes Your MOM. but you must do it on your own, and I must let you. Because I may be gone one day. And truth is, I have not always been there anyways. Each of us must live and learn and be and do. And I am learning to stop. Stop trying to save the world without first putting my own oxygen mask on.

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2 Comments

  1. seattlegraphix said,

    April 8, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    Hoo this hit home for me today. Very well written. Excellent reminder.

  2. May 13, 2014 at 11:13 pm

    I loved your simile of the garden! So true…


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