Old Demons

ImageSo much of her life had been a swirl of abuse and neglect and torment. Somewhere in it all she had learned one lesson, sex was love.

Or at least that was what she thought. She grew and married. And for a couple of years everything was ok. He loved her, he bedded her. But things changed and they had a child and his love for her grew distant. Soon he never touched her at all. He loved money. At least the things that money bought. That was what he touched. So she worked harder and harder. If she could only make his life easier then maybe. Just maybe. But in the end even that was not enough. And the girl, now a woman, packed her bags and left.

Sex was a weapon, a tool to be used. And she wielded it well. It got her gifts and adoration. But not LOVE.

One day in spite of her best intentions, she found love. Or better yet, love found her. It snuck into her heart and rooted there. But still those old demons would show up. She felt love in his touch. Saw it in his eyes. Knew it by the many little and wonderful things he did for her. Still somehow she waged a war of the mind. If he did not bed her like a hormone raged 19 yr old she began to doubt. Not his love, but her desireability. And if he did not desire her then for how long would he love her.

Foolish woman.. You have learned this lesson. You know its truths and its lies. Why? Why do you let it into your mind like this? What is it you are so afraid of?

I am afraid of losing this love! Life has not given me a love like this one. It is simple and pure and true. But is comes with past demons for us both. I am afraid that one day he will not look at me with want and then he will no longer love me. He is afraid that one day I will wake up and want to be somewhere else. Oh those old Demons. it is time to do battle with the past and embrace the future. For it is full of love.

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5 Comments

  1. hispetitelle said,

    April 15, 2014 at 8:42 pm

    The past is the past. You can’t change it. You just learn and move forward.

    • loneyheart said,

      April 15, 2014 at 8:49 pm

      Trust me I am working on it. What I now have is precious to me. But part of it is that for me there is such an emotional connection during the physical. I know that he loves me. But I feel it strongest wrapped in his arms giving all of myself to him without reservation.

      • hispetitelle said,

        April 15, 2014 at 8:55 pm

        I crave the physical too. I took that live language test and it came up that I equally want touch and words. I need to hear it and feel it at the same time.

      • loneyheart said,

        April 15, 2014 at 10:16 pm

        I know I must drive him crazy with the touching. I have some wild need for human contact. And it’s nuts because I touch people all day in my job. But that contact when in Love is so different. I know I need to be touched as much as I need to touch. Any yes, the hearing it…. My ex never told me I was pretty or that he loved me. So when I hear it now part of me swoons and part of me wants to look at him and go LIAR. My head is scrambled sometime. But he is worth the fight. I will get this mess straight.

      • hispetitelle said,

        April 15, 2014 at 10:24 pm

        Yes, you will! 🙂


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