convenience

She lay there in the dark on her side of the bed. He did not touch her. There was no want in him. She wondered why she was still there. Was it simply a matter of convenience. She cleaned his house, washed his clothes, cooked his meals and had raised his children. But she no longer felt the love  in his touch. There had been a time when she could see the love in his eyes. When his hand held her face and his gaze told her stories of his love and desire. But now his eyes were empty and he no longer let  his hand graze her cheek. To long had passed since he had kissed her with wild abandon. As if to draw his very breath from her. His lips now were a fast peck on her nose or forehead. Landing only for a moment as if her skin were molten and he feared to be burnt. She wondered what was in his head. Did he look at her the same and wonder why he was there, why she was there? Was it simply that it was easy? Easier to stay than to go. Easier to let life slip by than to battle to live every moment. So there in the dark she took a deep breath and decided she would no longer be convenient.

 

There are days when i find i am still angry with my ex. Something makes me wake up wanting to yell at the man. But he is a wall of NON Emotion. I guess it is hard when you are a person full of life and fire. I am not a yeller. But i think if given the opportunity i might be able to do just that. Because i fought for so long to make it all work i find that these days i still walk on egg shells sometimes. What i have i my life is a gift and my fear of losing it keeps me quiet when i want to stomp my feet. But i am learning and loving and finding out that life can be good, no GREAT

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