What now.

I literally feel the veins in my head throbbing. the tension in my neck beginning to pull my head into an akward angle. My shoulders are aching and my eyes sting from un cried tears.

You asked me if i was upset that you had not yet asked me to be your bride. My answer was no. You are not ready. But it should of been more than that. It should of been NO, we are not ready. I love you, of that i am most certain. But at this moment i want to stomp my feet in frusteration.

I have told you a million times i don’t need a ring. If you are ready to have me in your life then get my things from storage. And as many times you have said you would. But they are still locked away. You said that to make room for my stuff you needed to clean out some things. so you said you were going to clean the office.. You didn’t.
I am now most certain that is proof that you are not really ready. You want to be, but your not. Every time you say you are going to do something and then don’t it makes me wonder. I hate promises. they are just words to make a person feel better in the moment. But in the end they only break my heart. Don’t tell me you are going to do this or that. Show me.

My hands are tied. I have done all i can to make your house our home. To treat you like grandma does grandpa. To be a good queen for my King. But i am beginning to feel like i have failed you. I wonder. Now what.

Advertisements

2 Comments

  1. dievca said,

    July 21, 2014 at 9:33 pm

    Deep breath. A conversation about how you feel might help.

    • loneyheart said,

      July 22, 2014 at 2:40 pm

      i think you are right. I keep avoiding the talk. It feels like we have had it before. and he is awesome in so many ways. But his procrastination is the one thing that drives me batty. Not sure if we need a talk or if he just needs time. so for now i am practicing my patience.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: