reining it all in

part of my personality is OBSESSIVE.

Not just a little but full on frantic

I make plans and schedule and figure things out

Which is ok if i were running the world or the marine corps

But this is just LIFE

That thing we are supposed to simply enjoy moment by moment

I try hard to rein it in

To keep it in check

But i fail miserably at it

I take life all to seriously

I fail to see the fun in just letting something happen

I push and push to see something happen

Until everyone around me is exhausted and runs

Sometimes the things you are taught as a child have no place in your adult life

So i am trying, trying to stop and just enjoy these moments

Trying to not push until i make everyone run away

And trying to remember that this is life and it should be fun

Beside the world does not need a dictator

And the Marine corps does not need a fiesty red head running it either.

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learning what real love feels like

My first husband had White Knight written all over him

But it didn’t last,  we were not a team in life. He was god and i was always the little girl pulling at his coat begging for attention.

when i finally gave up and left i went looking for all that was missing in my life

What i discovered is that NO ONE can make you happy unless you are happy within YOURSELF.

That being said, happiness comes in the smallest of things.

And you don’t realize how easy it is to make another person feel love until they do it for you

It is as simple as holding her had

kissing her good morning,every morning

Starting her car on a cold dayembrace

Driving her to work without complaint on a winters day when the roads are nasty

Cheering her on when she has lost faith in herself

Thanking her for the dinner she cooked, especially when she is not feeling 100%

Stopping in the door way to tell her good by for the 5th time

Blowing her kisses from your truck in the driveway

Not realizing that she is watching you beam as you talk about her to friends

I never had these things, the tiny things that show how much i am loved

And every day is a new adventure

Another moment to feel that love

And to wrap myself up in it

I can tell you that it is heaven

Changing your view

If you are not going to do it  right, don’t do it at all

I swear i heard it a million times growing up

It has colored my actions in everything

always striving to do it right, to be perfect, so as to not disapoint

But life has given me a new voice

one that says over and over again

Have fun, you will do better when you learn to have fun and SMILE

This concept is so foreign to me, Fun? What the heck

Life has always been serious

It has been about striving for perfection

and yet i have seen it with my own two eyes

That magical moment when i remember that you can play and get things done

When a smile and laughter make things roll smoother

Changing ones attitude is not easy

And changing how your emotions respond is even harder

But i have the best coach in the world

The one who reminds me to shake it off

The one who reminds me to smile

And the one who at the end of the day

shows that he has more faith in me than i ever had in myself

So with time, and continued encouragement

I will change my view, and remember to smile

Because life is easier that way

Missing but not

I have been missing from here but i have found myself

I have been wrapped up in life to busy to stop and find the words to share it

But today, today i stopped.

My world is wrapped in a snowy blanket and the heater rumbles in my ear

But the snow can not cool the heat in my heart

He asked me to be his bride

On bent knee at the stroke of midnight in the fire light he asked for my hand

With tear filled eyes I said yes, and his eyes cried too

My daughter cheered and our friends shared congratulations

I am still reeling from the joy of it all.

He did it all right, or is it Wright? It will be.

Part of me wants to plan and share in this joycrowns

And part wants to take him by the hand and go to Vegas

This is ours, i want it perfect

I will make him crazy with the details

I will cry on that day even though i know it makes him uncomfortable

They will be crocodile tears of joy

There is no longer just a ME, but now a WE

This fiery independent woman has found her match in a calm and emotional man

He challenges me, inspires me and dares me to be more

I inspire him to be a better man

This is our beginning and i embrace it with out fear