learning to chill

No this is not an easy thing for me. I worry about everything. Most people don’t see it. I have learned in life to put on a happy face and just move forward. But He sees everything. And that is hard sometimes. I can not hide from him like i have from everyone else in the past. I can not smile and laugh it off like nothing is wrong and have him believe it. He is to savvy for that load of crap. And it is part of why i love him.

Yesterday he made my day simply by being himself. I decided to make pizza for dinner. He told me he was helping. And he did. We had fun together in the kitchen. He actually used the word mies an place. I guess all of that Food Network is rubbing off in a good way. He was like a wizard in the kitchen playing with ways to flavor the crust, and making sauce for our pizza from scratch. In the end we decided that we are a wicked team.

This morning he was laughing when he said that he was not looking forward to the day that we would have to spend a night apart. We have not been since we went on our first date, except once. I tried to go away for 3 days. i made it one night. He spent a few hours with his best friend one evening and came home declaring that it was strange to be away from me.

I am not sure how he will react when i tell him we are not sleeping in the same house the night before our wedding. Old fashioned i know. But.. there are still some silly traditions that i want to keep in this life.

It is funny how we hold on to the past until we find that doing so only keeps us from grasping the future and Really Living. I am happy. Really happy. And my daughter sees it and is happy for me. She keeps me grounded and reminds me that life is so important. Not the survival of it but to truly live every moment as if it were your last.

I am learning every day. and loving every day and letting go every day… learning to chill.

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