Disapointing myself

I am so darn competitive. I was raised to expect the best from myself. And yes that means win. Not at all cost because that could be cheating or smack talk, and that is unacceptable behavior. But it does mean strive to do your best or not at all. The not at all part has been removed from the current equation by my King. We do not quit!! We do keep our heads down and strive on.

So last night was hard. We bowl. He is very good, I am getting better. We were in the play offs and last night i struggled. My pride took a beating. We lost. Yes it was close and yes i did my best. But last night my best was not up to par. For one or 10 of a million reasons i could not get all of the pieces to fit. But i did not quit. Lord knows i tried not to cry. But i am a girl Dammit. And a sensitive one at that.

I was worried that i had disappointed my king, and my team. But they do not put the pressure on me that i put on myself. What i did was disappoint myself. I let my pride and my competitive nature get in the way of my having fun. I let my desire to make him proud of me distract me from what was important. He will be proud of me no matter what. As long as i try my best and never surrender.

I am learning. Old lessons die hard. New ones must be repeated so that they can take the place of old truths that no longer fit my life. So today i am holding my head up. I am proud of the team who is advancing. And in all honesty i hope they kick ass next week. And maybe this summer, they will let me play on their team and i will remember that Fun is what makes life worth living. And practice is what makes you good.


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