The Visit

So after 21 years i came face to face with my mom. Not just a quick hello, but here is my home, come stay for a few days.

Parts of my brain are still numb. I have yet to find the right words for all of the emotions that are rolling around inside. It was a pleasant visit. But also a challenging one. I stood my ground with kindness instead of emotional sabotage. I was honest in the face of my mothers devotion to her faith. I did not understand some of her snide remarks or her need to say some of the things she did. But,,,

What i do know is that i am married to a King among men. He was supportive and loving and tolerant of her behavior and of mine. He is smart and sharp witted and handled her with an adept skill i have seen few poses around her. He reminded me that we all have lived lives that have not been the easiest. And that we are all having to live with the choices we made. She is living with my step dad who is suffering from alzeheimers. He is living in the moments of  our past that are not the best. It seems he is fixated on trying to get some kind of forgiveness for his transgressions with out admitting all of them, STILL.

She is living with the fact that her children are not living her devoting to her church. And it makes her crazy. She feels a failure as a parent. Honestly she was. Then again, maybe i am too. But at least my daughter knows i love her no matter what she chooses in life and i will not ask her to be someone she is not. Nor will i berate her for her decisions.

I am living the life i choose. It is full of kind people who love me as i am. I know love and joy and laughter every day. I have a man who talks problems out with me rather than yelling and making me feel small. I love this life and am grateful for all of lifes lessons.


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