when you realize you are a grown up

my mom is a challenge. better yet she is my challenge. It is how i choose to behave where she is concerned that has lead me to a massive revelation. I AM THE GROWN UP DAMMIT.

I will NEVER be what she wants. I am no longer blindly obedient. I have a mind of my own and i choose to use it. I make my own decision and live my own life. And that drives her crazy. I get a sick kick out of that knowledge. But i have chosen to not engage in verbal sparing with my mom. I know pick my words to her with care. Simple honest clarity. It is hard sometimes because she can push my every button with amazing ease. But this last jab from her made me stop and think before reacting. And when i did have a conversation with her i was amazed at how calm i managed to stay.

We all have our own views on life. We all have to choose how we behave and how we choose to press or NOT press our views on another person. Funny thing that i am 45 and just now learning to not let her press her views and my buttons. I love her, she is my mom. But i refuse to change my life so that she can feel that she is saving my eternal soul and therefore buying her own way into her eternal place next to the good lord.

I hope that we all find that moment when we GET IT. And i hope i keep it in mind when having conversations with my own daughter. I never want to be her challenge.

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