When he sings to me

He says he is not really a romantic. Ok fine but i tell you he is. When we were dating there were songs he would sing to me. Soft and sweet in my ear for only me to hear. It was the soft growl of his voice so full of want. It was his arms wrapped tight around my waist as he stood behind me and we swayed back and forth to the music. Those were the moments that stole my heart. Never in my life had i seen a man so comfortable with showing his tender side.

The last few days have been tough. Watching our poor old dog fade during his last days. That tender hearted man openly shed tears over our fur baby. Because he is such a man of honor and keeps his commitments even in the toughest moments, we were at the bowling ally last night. Some time during the second game a song came on that spoke to his heart. He stops and looks at me and without a hint of shame sings me a few lyrics. Yes it was soft and sweet, and NO i am not sure anyone else even realized it. But in that moment i fell in love all over again.  It is not like i had fallen out of it, Harldly. But in those few seconds my husband declared quietly his deep heartfelt love for me.

He sweeps me off my feet, he melts my heart and he is honestly my world. And all he has to do is Sing to me.

fur babies

we all have them. well most of us have them. These wonderful bundles of fur that fill in the empty spaces of our hearts and take up room on our beds. The reason 2 people have a California King and sleep in the space of a twin.

Today my world is short 1. I did not know that my heart was so filled with that giant fur ball. He was no average dog. 100 plus pounds of fur and love. There was sweetness and gentleness in every ounce of him. Nothing more than time was to blame. He was just not meant to be here longer than he was. But he will live on in my heart.

He was my dear husbands furry savior. In some sad and dark days he was there when no one or nothing else could be. He was graced with a name that meant more than others new. A sweet homage to his late mom. We make bonds, things that keep us tethered to this life and this world when we are not so sure we want to stay. And that is what he was. A bond to the past and to the future. A ribbon of light in a moment of darkness.

Farewell to our gentle giant.

Warmth

It is cold outside but i do not feel its chill

People say unkind words but i can not hear them speak

My eyes have remained blind to the cruel actions of mankind

I have been blessed by the love that envelopes me

Yes i know it is cold,

And i see and hear the sadness of humanity

But it can not reach into my heart

Love has left it full and there is no space in it for the ugly, the unkind

With each beat it chooses to radiate love and truth and kindness and warmth

It beats to fill the darkness with light

It dares mankind to follow its lead and to stave off the cold

Yes this heart knows the cold, the dark, the cruel

But that was long before your hands held mine

Long before your arms wrapped around the all of me

Before you held up the mirror of truth and love for me to see through your eyes

And it has made a vow to never go back

This heart will beat truth and light and life

It will share its love and embrace those who are stumbling

To shine a light on their own path so they can find their way

And i thank you, from the bottom of my ever beating heart for your warmth

tfire heart

breathing in the moment

I will not speak of days past

for they are gone like an exhaled breath

I long only for this moment

our fingers intertwined like honeysuckle vines

the rapid rise and fall of your chest as you inhale the scent of me

a smile as wide as the Texas plains as you look into my eyes

The knowing in our hearts that we are one

Not one body but one heart

beats shared by two growing ever stronger

I did not know you were my missing pieces

I thought i was fine in my daily being

But how can you know something is missing

if you have never seen it?

Now the days roll by in cotton candy clouds

Sweet and fluffy on my tongue

I have you to soothe the sting of life’s bitter moments

To be the calming breeze in the storms of humanity

You are my center in a world that can feel like a tornado

There to remind me that i am more than the sum of my parts

and yet to let me know that my parts are divine

To show me a view of this life and of myself that others tried to hide

To kick me gently into the light when i would rather live in the shadows

Because in the shadow i need not be  the perfect i hold myself to

that perfection which is unattainable except for in your eyes

I love me in your eyes

So i stop and calm and center and breath in this moment

Because you are in it, and all that i need to breath

 

Her gift

That familiar chime went off on her phone. A smile found it way to her face that was not intentional. He had that kind of effect on her. Grabbing the phone she checked the message and paused. He was asking her permission to give her number to a New Friend. She knew he had been on one of their sites looking for a potential playmate, but she had not been looking herself. It was something she had wanted but things had not worked out. Now she needed to do some reconnaissance herself.

Logging into the site she scrolled back through the messages. He certainly had been  a busy little cub. His determination to find her a playmate was endearing and exciting. It came from a place of love and trust that few couples truly share. Soon she found the woman he had described and giggled at the messages and photos. She was always shocked to see some of the photos he took of her in some of their more intimate moments. The raw passion and hunger often disarmed her. Some times she saw what he saw, and damn she was sexy.

Well, she is my flavor, and his. They had come to understand that they shared the same taste in women. Full bust lines, round buttocks and curves for days. Confidence was a huge plus. And conversational skills a MUST. They had seen lots of pretty who could not hold a conversation in a bucket. And that would NOT do.

Letting him know that she would be taking over the conversation was her next step. He was great bait but after all this was to be her playmate. And he was really there as an observer until invited to the game. The afternoon was filled with messages. Some racy but most just good talk, getting to know each other. Their similarities were abundant. The two woman laughing over his apparent TYPE.  It was fun to have a prospect. It was more fun knowing the effect it was having on her husband. That naughty cub was bound to be firming up nicely.

The end of the work day could not come soon enough. Both eager to get close enough to touch and to share the text messages he had missed. She loved the moments when he would read something and look at she with that sexy side ways glance. He could not hide his desire. He knew what his queen wanted and he was determined to give her it all. Tonight was going to be for them. To talk and touch and share their desires and to plan on the moment when there might be the three of them.

trio

 

put down the pom poms and just listen

as a wife and mother we wear many hats. Sometimes we get it wrong or try and wear to many at once. i suffer this affliction often.

Last night i had an upset husband. work is being WORK and he just needed to vent. I on the other hand had on my full cheer leader outfit along with the Freddy Cruger tell me who to kill mask.  His frusteration boiled over and he raised his voice. NO he did not yell at me he simply got louder at the situation. And because i am a big cry baby i started crying and could not get it under control.

If we had stayed home maybe i could of. But we had a commitment so off we went to bowling. The fact that i have been forced to switch hands due to injury is causing we challenges. Last night it was a super storm, stress, pain, frusteration, irritation, and lots of tears. I just could not get ANYTHING Right.

I am grateful that he is who he is. And some conversation later he and i were ok and snuggled in bed as if we were one person sharing space. It felt great.

But today i woke up and realized that if i had just put down the pom poms and shut up we could of avoided my silly emotional crying. And i know that my crying really upsets him. I swear i tried not to. But i am so overly emotional some days.

So today i put the hats in the closet and am just going to sit and breath and remind him that no matter what i will shut up and listen if he needs me to. And if i need to go kick someones ass, well just tell me Who and When.