A much needed break

In a few days my king and i will get to take a much needed break. Time to leave the house and jobs and dogs behind and just focus on each other and some fun. Every day is a gift and the last week has been more of a rough slog. Chronic back issues raised their ugly head and i was in agony for days. He really stepped up and took over. He will never know just how grateful i am for that. I hate feeling helpless and i know he hates seeing me in pain with no way to help. But he did help. By doing those chores so i could rest and heal. He is indeed my everything. Now lets see what mischief we can get into in the big city. Who knows this might even be the trip that we finally fulfill some fantasies. Now wouldn’t that be fun!!!!

Old Messages

I keep the first messages that we shared

This beautiful moment when we both got brave

A sweet flirtation that turned into love

Who would have known it would turn out this way

You called me Miss Honey and i melted inside

We talked about life, love, marriage, divorce and pride

Your resistance was strong even though i tried

That hot tub on the porch you never tried

You called me pretty and 100% woman

I was sure you came from some alien planet

With sweet words you scaled the walls i had built

And with that first kiss knocked them down

When you said “i love you” i told you NO

It’s just an orgasm and now you have to go

But little by little you made me see

And one day i caved and said MAYBE

Now the years have passed like a dream

And i look back and those messages and gleam

I wear a smile upon my face and a glow in my heart

Life is not perfect Just perfect for us

And i will always feel this blessing and love

 

 

The wonderful world of Menopause

Ugh… sometimes that is all i can say. I have days where life runs like normal and then there are the days where i am sure my body is an alien life form and my tears will never stop. Days i love everyone and the days when i want to snap the neck of the next person i see. You really do think you are losing your mind. I can’t remember shit. And while my brain has always functioned a bit OFF these days it is so much worse. Notes are my best friend.

My best girl friend loaned me a book that has some great info in it. And i am trying to embrace my Crone years. Terribly melodramatic i know. But it is a bit of the honest reality. I forgot that growing new hormones is about the same and Losing old hormones. It all makes you a bit nuts. Your skin changes and i am not sure who’s face is in the mirror.

The hot flashes are annoying but the least of my issues. It is the emotional ups and hard downward crashes. It is the change in my sleep patterns. It is the wild swings between, Fuck me now and Please don’t touch. The ” i can conquer  the world, and where is my hiding cave”.  The ” i love people and just wanting everyone to go away let me be and die quietly” there feels like there is not a single bit of even ground to stand on and just inhale.

If it were not for the loving tenderness of my King i would lose my shit daily and not in a way that would be acceptable in public.

I had some delusion that at this point in my life things would feel a bit more balanced. I like structure. I need structure. It helps keep me balanced. But at the same time i need challenge to keep me from utter boredom. It is why i am struggling with my work at the moment. I realized that for years it was about the creativity. I loved it. Now the world is different and if a person in their teens or 20’s wants to try the latest trend they just watch youtube and try it at home. So my clients have migrated to women in their 50 plus years who are battling age and are the queens of vanity. Odd that i am in the beauty business and HATE VANITY.

This too shall pass. Probably like a kidney stone. It will hurt like hell but when it is done i will breath a sigh of relief and life will go on. I just hope that i  keep my ducks in a row until then. I do not have the desire to wrangle the little buggers when they go wildly astray. CronesWisdom

 

Happiness and Heartbreak

I have tried to let go of expectations. Having them only sets one up for heartbreak. I have also been working hard on being my true self and accepting others in the same manner. It’s not easy. This past weekend was full of joy and further proof that i need more work on the expectations thing.

I am by nature a take charge kind of woman. I learned long ago that NO ONE is going to take care of me and that i need to handle things on my own. Being married to my King i have tried to let this go. But we are very different in our approaches to life. I charge in and do, he sits back, observers, makes a plan and does at the last possible second. Knowing this i was not at all shocked when he admitted on Saturday that he still had no card or gift for me. Sunday was our 1st anniversary. No i wasn’t shocked but i was hurt. In that moment i felt so unimportant. As humans we make time for the things that are important to us. He always has his coffee and smokes. Stops for them every day. Hell the places he stops even sell cards. So i was a passing thought that required NO action.

By Sunday morning he had made me a card. The sentiment in it was sweet and heartfelt. I know he loves me but as a woman there are times…..As the day went on it was not so different from any other given Sunday. We had some hot pre race sex. Watched the race, or watched and napped through the race. Waited for updates on his grandmother who was in the ER for leg pain. Eventually we went to town to check on her and to run to the store for a new toothbrush for him. Had a pleasant dinner with the family before they leave for the week. And then home for evening chores and some more naughty sex.

The pain of the  day came when i realized that even though i had messaged my daughter she had yet to offer a Happy Anniversary to my King and I. When i broached the subject she appologized for not having done so and simply stated that it had been a rough month for her. I know it has. The 10th should of been her anniversary. But her ex is a cheating lying ass. I still think she and i need to talk. It is clear there are some unresolved issues surrounding my divorce from her father. Nevertheless it stung. She was my maid of honor. We do for her constantly. My king treats her with kindness. We deserved a little acknowledgement.

Today i am trying to process all of my emotions from this weekend. I do not know what i should expect from life. If i even have the right to expect anything. I know that i give and do for those i love. I stress over things on a daily basis to the point they are causing health issues. I just wonder if anyone realizes how much i put into my world? Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.

Every day is a learning lesson. So as my work book fills up i take a deep breath and know that i can cover the bills for another month. I am looking forward to a couple days break away with my King. And i am asking for wisdom so that i can talk to my daughter and fix what ever is not right. My life is ever expanding and i am learning day after day to try and just breath and let things happen. I do not know if i will ever get there, but damn i keep trying.

What a great night

I have been a ball of stress lately. I worry about money like a mad woman. I worry about all kinds of things that i have no control over until i give myself a full on anxiety attack. Usually at 3 am. But i always have my king there trying to easy my over working brain.

Last night was the finals in our bowling league. We were battling for 1st place against some of our dearest friends. As usual i was putting the weight of the world on my shoulders, hot flashing like a mad woman and running my own course on how to have and anxiety attack quietly. Then it happened, my wrist support brace came flying apart and landed in the gutter on the other side of the next lane. I had a full on INNER melt down. By the end of the second game i had a choice, suck it up or cry like a little girl and go hide in the car. The last one was NOT  really a choice. To do so would have been utter disrespect to my King. So i went to the bathroom, had a wicked cry, and put cold water down my boobs to squelch the hot flashes and went to finish the night. No we did not win. But i did go out there and bowl 16 pins over my average for that last game and earn my husbands praise.

It was never really about winning. Though the extra money would of been nice. It was about doing my best and remembering that we do this together to have fun. Twice he grabbed my hair and kissed me. How i love those kisses. They refocus my brain. They make me stop and focus on that moment. The rest of the world just vanishes.

By the time we got home i just wanted out of my clothes. So while cooking dinner i stripped down to my panties and top. It just covers most of my butt. Thank god he loves curves because i was blessed with them. Dinner required a return visit because when he snuggled up behind me and put his hard cock on my ass while nuzzling  my neck and groaning in my ear i lost all control and drug him to bed. All of the stress needed a proper release, and release it did. That was my best nights sleep in days.

I am living the best days of my life right now. They are filled with a man who loves me and shares all of his emotions with me. We have deep wonderful conversations. We laugh every day. We love like this is our last moment. I love his moment that are full of swagger and the ones where he is not so bold.

I am truly a lucky woman.

 

Sexual Beings

There was no denying his charm. He had a wicked smile and swagger to spare. But he kept it all in check. He never came off as arrogant, but instead he could put even the most timid of persons at ease.  Everyone loved him and she loved that. What she loved even more was the fact that even in a room full of people he did not hide his desire for her. When he walked up and took to hands full of her hair and kissed her passionately, not only did it make her panties wet but she wondered who was watching and if they were jealous of their very visible lust. When he did things like that her inner submissive won.

That was her personal battle. She had been an obedient child, but life had taught her to be self sufficient, dominant even. But around him she lost all control. There were times when he was soft and romantic, others when their sex was to fill a need at the moment. But those times when they both were filled with desire, when they openly shared with each other their lust for other people, well those were the best.

Long ago they had set some ground rules. They refused to deny the idea that they would be turned on by other people. That they were each very sexual beings and that vanilla would never be enough. She had never denied her lust of women. And he was always honest that he did not want to leave this earth without sharing her and himself with another woman.

Often their best sex included some very descriptive conversations about what they each would do with a very specific person, if they were ever able to make that threesome happen. She loved the idea of watching some other woman try to swallow his ample cock. Or for those brave enough to try and take it in the ass. Knowing what that felt like and the idea of watching it happen made her purr. She loved the effect it had on him when she let him know these things. When he knew that she meant every word.

She would share him in a heart beat with the right woman. How she wanted to see his reaction the first time she kissed a woman. To watch his cock grow hard in his jeans when she ran her hand over some sexy full breasts and made those nipples hard. She knew he would happily watch and that he would not join unless asked. She wanted to give that woman permission to invite him to play with them. She wanted that woman to want her King, like some hungry being would crave steak.To see the excitement in their eyes when she let them know what was going to happen next. To see and direct such carnal lust. To watch him touch another body with hunger. To see him taste the creamy dessert presented him. To see that woman on her knees before her King and to hear her screams of delight as they both made her climax. To know that she would beg them to bed her again.

But for now it was all fantasy. She wondered if she would ever make it happen. But she knew that her King loved and desired her above all else and that made her work even harder to fill his desires.