Happiness and Heartbreak

I have tried to let go of expectations. Having them only sets one up for heartbreak. I have also been working hard on being my true self and accepting others in the same manner. It’s not easy. This past weekend was full of joy and further proof that i need more work on the expectations thing.

I am by nature a take charge kind of woman. I learned long ago that NO ONE is going to take care of me and that i need to handle things on my own. Being married to my King i have tried to let this go. But we are very different in our approaches to life. I charge in and do, he sits back, observers, makes a plan and does at the last possible second. Knowing this i was not at all shocked when he admitted on Saturday that he still had no card or gift for me. Sunday was our 1st anniversary. No i wasn’t shocked but i was hurt. In that moment i felt so unimportant. As humans we make time for the things that are important to us. He always has his coffee and smokes. Stops for them every day. Hell the places he stops even sell cards. So i was a passing thought that required NO action.

By Sunday morning he had made me a card. The sentiment in it was sweet and heartfelt. I know he loves me but as a woman there are times…..As the day went on it was not so different from any other given Sunday. We had some hot pre race sex. Watched the race, or watched and napped through the race. Waited for updates on his grandmother who was in the ER for leg pain. Eventually we went to town to check on her and to run to the store for a new toothbrush for him. Had a pleasant dinner with the family before they leave for the week. And then home for evening chores and some more naughty sex.

The pain of the  day came when i realized that even though i had messaged my daughter she had yet to offer a Happy Anniversary to my King and I. When i broached the subject she appologized for not having done so and simply stated that it had been a rough month for her. I know it has. The 10th should of been her anniversary. But her ex is a cheating lying ass. I still think she and i need to talk. It is clear there are some unresolved issues surrounding my divorce from her father. Nevertheless it stung. She was my maid of honor. We do for her constantly. My king treats her with kindness. We deserved a little acknowledgement.

Today i am trying to process all of my emotions from this weekend. I do not know what i should expect from life. If i even have the right to expect anything. I know that i give and do for those i love. I stress over things on a daily basis to the point they are causing health issues. I just wonder if anyone realizes how much i put into my world? Physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.

Every day is a learning lesson. So as my work book fills up i take a deep breath and know that i can cover the bills for another month. I am looking forward to a couple days break away with my King. And i am asking for wisdom so that i can talk to my daughter and fix what ever is not right. My life is ever expanding and i am learning day after day to try and just breath and let things happen. I do not know if i will ever get there, but damn i keep trying.

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4 Comments

  1. smutfarm said,

    May 16, 2016 at 5:21 pm

    Guys, whether they be Kings or just regular joes, are kind of like that. Look for the ways he does show his caring, apart from sex. Maybe he just silently fixes things that need fixing, or puts gas in the car, keeps the yard looking beautiful. Things like this are, sometimes, for you. It’s tempting to say “well, he’s a guy, and they love mowing the lawn” but maybe he mows it because he knows you want a tidy-looking home.

    I’m not you and I can’t tell you what, or even if, he’s doing anything special for you. But I can say that guys can sometimes be too subtle.

  2. loneyheart said,

    May 16, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    trust me he is amazing in so many ways. He is just a master at putting things off. He shows me and tells me every day that he loves me. He is my world and i would not want to be without him. It was just one of those Woman logic moments where you hope that your guy will put in just a little something extra. I do not need fancy gifts. But for me, if he had actually been prepared i would of been over the moon because i would of known that he put in the effort and that i was worth that effort.

  3. dandilyonz4u said,

    May 19, 2016 at 1:15 pm

    Sorry you didn’t get the anniversary you had in mind but it was both of your anniversaries so maybe sometimes the woman can do something for the man. It seems he didn’t plan anything and neither did you so you both ended up having a regular mundane day for an anniversary. In the end knowing you have a strong support system through the everyday is better than having a great one day..I think.

    • loneyheart said,

      May 19, 2016 at 3:59 pm

      No i did not plan anything. I always take charge and honestly did not want to. I copped a wicked attitude when he told me he was working on Saturday. So the plans i had for getting out of town went out of the window. And i sat there hoping it was all part of some plan he had. Sometimes things just go wrong so that you can talk about it and make the next time right. But we are good. Lots of conversation about expectations and love.


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