Today you are not my friend. I stand in front of you and gaze at the reflection i see. I do not look my age, that in itself should be enough. But it is not. I see what i have always seen. 5’3″ of chunky.  Which is funny because my jeans are obviously too big these days. My eyes are dull today. They are missing that spark. My fire is barely a coal cooling at the edge of the fire pit. I fear i have become a stagnant and boring piece of the environment. I do not see sexy or beautiful even though i hear the words. I do see the kitchen bitch with dish pan hands. I see the laundry diva, the expert floor mopper,the feeder of dogs and humans alike. I battle the thing i fear. That the mundane of every day life takes over and that the rush of human desire fades into the back ground. I do not want to be as invisible as the paint on the walls. I have put forth the effort to look the part. I have gone home at the end of a long day and put on something “cute” while cooking dinner. I have played the message game. Photos and texts. But at the end of it all i am blinding aware that it doesn’t matter. Life and all of it’s harsh reality is what comes out ahead. I will find a pair of rose colored glasses and look at myself though them. I will adjust my expectations and know that i love differently. And i will find peace and solace in the knowledge that i am loved and that for him every plate is a testament to that love. I will look into the mirror and know that the truth is not in the reflection i see, but in what fills my heart. And that will have to be enough.



  1. September 1, 2016 at 11:39 pm

    The ‘image’ is never ‘real’…we sometimes it were, sometimes not.

    So beautifully written…

    • loneyheart said,

      September 2, 2016 at 2:51 pm

      i am realizing that i have rough days because of old mental triggers. My life right now is good and i am deeply blessed. Because i am human i will never be completely happy with what i see, but i have to remember to see myself through others eyes and not my own critical ones

      • September 2, 2016 at 2:54 pm

        Wow, that is deep. Usually people think others’ eyes are more critical than their own. I guess, we sometimes are harder on ourselves more than the others.

        Good luck, my friend.

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