self confidence

Today i find myself wondering if it is something you just have or not? Is it something you can build within yourself and if so does it come from within or does it come from the admiration of others?

I have always lacked it. I grew up hearing “you could be so pretty, if only” Lord knows there were plenty of “if only things”

I have had it when it came to my career, but personally it is something i lack. I have had moments of it. But upon reflection those moments were when i was living a fantasy life and was constantly being told how sexy and lovely and wonderful i was. But was it real or only lines in a play?  I loved how those moments felt and i know i carried myself differently in those moments. But i am not in that space. I am happier now than i was in those days but i do find myself looking in the mirror and find myself lacking. I do not want that view of myself. I want to be bold and daring and confident.

So i am trying to focus on my own self worth and not my value as seen through the eyes of others. I want to walk into a room like some kind of wild life force and have people drawn to me. Not simply because i am sweet and kind and giving, but because i am vibrant and beautiful and dynamic. It all sounds very superficial and that makes me gag. But i am after all just a girl and i do not know of any woman who has not felt the same.

We all want to be smart and pretty. We want to be known as the good and kind and loving and giving one, with the knock out looks and the wicked smile and ” those eyes”.

I am working on it. And who knows, maybe one day i will be fully self confident in my own skin. One day, one breath, one moment at a time.


1 Comment

  1. dievca said,

    October 2, 2016 at 2:06 pm

    M. believes I got it from my parents — so I think it can be brought out from surrounding yourself with good people.

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