I feel pretty

I say that and laugh because it sounds so silly. But it is true. I never felt pretty. I have had moments when i have felt sexy as fuck. But to just feel pretty….

I grew up hearing my mom say ” you could  be so pretty if only…” usually it was about my weight. And as an adult looking back i was not fat, i just wasn’t a size 5. I had womanly curves as a teen. But it was and still is not the STANDARD for beauty.

As a married woman, the first trip around, my ex never told me i was pretty. He would tell me i looked nice. But that is far from a declaration of beauty to your spouse.

My King tells me i am beautiful, and i have begun to feel it more and more. But he loves me and i should be pretty in his eyes. And because he is a good man it is his duty to tell me that often. And trust me he does. There have been moments lately where i have heard other men tell my husband that he has a beautiful wife. Those have left me stunned. As a plus size woman, hell as a woman, you never expect random strangers to see you, much less see you as attractive. That is just not something that ever happened in my world. But it has and every time it does i feel two things. Pride in myself and proud because it is a gift i can give my husband. That others would acknowledge and tell him. I hope that it makes him proud to have me as his wife.

So even today with my hair showing its grey roots i have looked in the mirror and smiled at the reflection there and  said ” Hello pretty lady” and meant it.

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