Sexual Beings

There was no denying his charm. He had a wicked smile and swagger to spare. But he kept it all in check. He never came off as arrogant, but instead he could put even the most timid of persons at ease.  Everyone loved him and she loved that. What she loved even more was the fact that even in a room full of people he did not hide his desire for her. When he walked up and took to hands full of her hair and kissed her passionately, not only did it make her panties wet but she wondered who was watching and if they were jealous of their very visible lust. When he did things like that her inner submissive won.

That was her personal battle. She had been an obedient child, but life had taught her to be self sufficient, dominant even. But around him she lost all control. There were times when he was soft and romantic, others when their sex was to fill a need at the moment. But those times when they both were filled with desire, when they openly shared with each other their lust for other people, well those were the best.

Long ago they had set some ground rules. They refused to deny the idea that they would be turned on by other people. That they were each very sexual beings and that vanilla would never be enough. She had never denied her lust of women. And he was always honest that he did not want to leave this earth without sharing her and himself with another woman.

Often their best sex included some very descriptive conversations about what they each would do with a very specific person, if they were ever able to make that threesome happen. She loved the idea of watching some other woman try to swallow his ample cock. Or for those brave enough to try and take it in the ass. Knowing what that felt like and the idea of watching it happen made her purr. She loved the effect it had on him when she let him know these things. When he knew that she meant every word.

She would share him in a heart beat with the right woman. How she wanted to see his reaction the first time she kissed a woman. To watch his cock grow hard in his jeans when she ran her hand over some sexy full breasts and made those nipples hard. She knew he would happily watch and that he would not join unless asked. She wanted to give that woman permission to invite him to play with them. She wanted that woman to want her King, like some hungry being would crave steak.To see the excitement in their eyes when she let them know what was going to happen next. To see and direct such carnal lust. To watch him touch another body with hunger. To see him taste the creamy dessert presented him. To see that woman on her knees before her King and to hear her screams of delight as they both made her climax. To know that she would beg them to bed her again.

But for now it was all fantasy. She wondered if she would ever make it happen. But she knew that her King loved and desired her above all else and that made her work even harder to fill his desires.

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My Gentle Dom

When we met there was not a lot of conversation about Sub/Dom. But it was something i had studied and played in over the course of the previous year. I spent a lot of time on line being curious. I had an on line Master relationship that in many ways helped to explain things to me that i had never understood. I am a sub. I derive great joy from making those in my life that i care about HAPPY.  I am a natural born nurturer.  I love to give and do, sometimes to my own physical and financial detriment.

The first time my king made love to me i knew he was a Dom. Not in the way i had known before. He was gentle in his direction. It was natural to him. Later in conversations he balked at the notion that he was a Dom. IN his mind that meant being a controlling ASS. But that is not the case. IN our world he makes request of me. There are certain ways he likes things to be. He is physically in control when we are having sex or play. We do have moments of SWITCH life, but even then he is still in control. He is clear on his wants and desires and i do my best to fulfill them. I do not get to choose when i want a bend over husband. He decides when that is something he wants and i am more than eager to give him that which he physically craves.

He told me that i make his life easier, happier. And that he wondered what it was he did for me. Well that is easy. He gives me balance and peace. His gentle dominance is my safe place. I know in every  moment of my life that i am loved and desired and cherished. He messages me daily to check on how my day is going. He lets me know privately and pubicly that i am his queen and that he loves me. He never misses a chance to hold my hand or smack my ass. Those little actions mean the world to this submissive girl. They are outward signs of his dominance. I belong to him and everyone knows it. I am not seen as weak or frail or timid. Our friends know i am self reliant and strong, but they also know that my King is the BOSS. And that knowledge thrills me.

I know that our life will shift and change over time. But i know too that his Gentle Dominance will grow and that he will finally understand what he brings to my life. Anything that he asks of me i happily give. I love you my King. And as our Anniversary date draws near i only feel this deeper love and attachment to you and to our life.

Sorting out the Sub/Dom rolls in my life

Towards the end of my 1st marriage i explored a lot on line. I had lived a very sheltered life in many ways. In others my world was fucked up. There was sexual abuse in my childhood and a sexually absent husband in my life. I was confused and curious. I played at being a sub and a dom as well as exploring my bisexuality. I love sex. I love the playfulness that it can have as well as the seedier sides of it. I am a voyeur as well as an exhibitionist. I find no real shame in sensuality or sexuality as long as everyone is open and honest in what they expect.

With all of that being said this is where my brain is at in the moment.

I have figured out why i seem to gravitate to being a sub or more specifically a ‘LITTLE”

My entire life i was raised as if i were already an adult. Responsibility was drilled into my head. From early on I remember the phrase. ” She who does not work does not eat” or ” If you are not going to do it right, don’t bother to do it at all”  I married an older man with delusions of a white picket fence and me staying home to raise a garden and happy children. What i got was NOT that. I worked my butt off out side of the home, I built a career and made good money. I thought i was doing something great. In the end, the reality was ,I had a broken marriage and a man who hated my job.

Time went on and i was blessed to find a man who understood so much of my hidden self. I was able to be open and honest. But it did not answer why i acted the way i do. I am beginning to grasp why and it is eye opening. I battle two very polar opposite sides. There is the MOMMY. I raised my brothers to some degree. Our mom battles mental illness. I went to school and cooked at home and cleaned and did hard work on the ranch. I have always been bossy. I expect people to DO not just SAY.I drive people nuts because i take over things as if they were small children incapable of doing a job. And then i get miffed at them for making me be the adult.  It is a side effect of my raising. But that raising also made me A LITTLE. I now find myself trying to live with these two very different sides.

The little in me is sick of being forced to be an adult. She wants to be taken care of, to be nurtured and cared for. She does not want to make a decision but simply wants to be gently directed. To be praised for her actions. To be loved without question. It is a struggle and i have no easy answer for it. It seems that balance in life is my on going lesson. Thankfully i am blessed to have a wonderful husband who sees and understands. This great loving man who is beginning to understand the bossy Mommy in me as well as the needy LITTLE  in me.

Every day is a challenge. But i know that with him by my side things will be ok. That he will help me find OUR BALANCE. That we can find ways to nurture both of our intimate and emotional needs. That we can find our own playground and enjoy all of our Sub/Dom  sides and we will continue to play and grow together.

Stress relief

What a day. The stress level was on high. Having a forest fire so close to home was almost to much. All she wanted was to have her King home. She always felt safer when he was close by. Roaming the house listening for updates and for his call made her pace. All she could think was that she needed a distraction. So she found her BenWa balls and put them in. It had been a long time since she had worn them. She was beginning to remember why. She lacked the current focus for those darn things. Maybe tomorrow she would try a water balloon again. But for now the balls had to go.

Soon her King was home and she could feel her calm returning. Together they checked on the progress of the fire and made sure all of the family was safe. After a nice dinner and a calming smoke they retired to watch tv from bed. Her mind wandered, should she tell him about her adventure with the balls? Should she tell him how badly she wanted to suck his cock? But at the moment she was rather high and was not so sure she could make her body respond. She giggled and he asked her what was up.

Without thinking she told him she had been thinking about sucking his cock. Both were quiet and she faded away on some pink cloud. Only the sound of his voice brought her back to earth. “Well are you going to?” he asked. It took a moment for her to focus and remember what she had said. His voice was calm and measured when he spoke again. ” I am only going to ask you once more” Her lips meet his to stop his next words.

She loved pleasing him, loved how his body responded to her touch. Loved the growls that exited his body. It was clear he was enjoying, his cock was hard and filled her mouth. His words pleased her. She was indeed Daddys good little cock sucker. His next request made her entire body ache with desire. She was to put her wet pussy on Daddys face but never remove his cock from her mouth.  He always knew what to say to make her want him even more.  He licked and sucked the wetness from her while she inhaled his ever growing manhood.

She could hardly believe her ears, she was begging him for his cock. Asking could get her in trouble. She was here for his pleasure but it was clear Daddy wanted the same. He let out the most glorious groan as he entered her swollen womanhood. His words of praise on her wetness and fullness made her happy. The rhythm of his hips and how he covered her with his body made her feel small. It was a feeling she loved. Having her face burried in his chest as he took ownership of all that was his.

“Daddy, i am going to cum” was about all she could manage before exploding all over his hard cock. He did not stop but kept thrusting in and out until she was fully satisfied. After kissing her and telling her what a good girl she was he had her roll over. ” Daddy is going to take you from behind, He is going to cum and then fall asleep inside of you”  He loved the roundness of her ass and because he was so gloriously blessed he could easily bury himself deep inside of her while spooning.  She squeezed hard on his cock and felt it throb as he was about to fill her with a flood of creamy juice. Having had his fill of her he kissed her shoulder and reminded her of how much Daddy loved his naughty girl. Soon they both fell off into peaceful sleep.

Later she would wake up and giggle at the squishy puddle between her legs. But as she faded off into blissful sleep she could only smile and know how much she was loved. She never wanted to lose this feeling, and his love.

Happy Naughty Easter

She loved his requests. Knowing what he wanted made her damp with anticipation.

” I want to watch you play and i want you to write it to post later” Her body gushed at his request. To the couch with note pad and toys in hand she went feeling her dampness run down her leg as she walked. Her silver bullet was barley on and tickling her shimmery pussy lips. As he walked by she could not resist taking his young cubby cock in her mouth. How she loved feeling it swell between her lips. There was little else that could make her as wet as his cock in her mouth. The teasing did not last long but it did the job. He walked away hard and she tried to put words to paper with shaking hands.

Writing distracted her but it boosted the thrill of their play. While she wrote he came back to the couch, stretching out facing her. His cock still hard. His toes found her bullet and pressed it against her clit.She did not know why the feeling of his toes on her wet pussy made it even wetter. She wanted more but she had to be patient.

Why, where, How did he learn to tease this way? She loved the tease, the build up. She was in heaven.

He was perfect. His cool toes pressing her vibe against her clit. She wanted to come. Being a good girl she asked for his permission and he granted it. But first she begged him to promise to make her cum again. His wicked smile promissed, and with that she came hard.

It was not long until he was making good on that promise. Her vibe was turned up and he placed an ample cock toy in her very slick pussy. He stroked it back and forth watching her press back against it. The looks on his face turned her on even more. He was clearly enjoying his actions. She was trying to write but it became harder to do. She came again with such intensity. she knew that each orgasm to follow would be hard and fast when they came. But the build up to each was longer and just as intense.  Surely it could get no better than this.

He gave her a short respit to right and recover. He went to gather more toys. It was clear that they were going to enjoy all of the freaky aspects of their sex life. Yes things could get better she thought with her own wicked grin. And they did when he arrived back with his ass toy. He became a carnal hungry animal when they enjoyed ass play. It made her as hot as his cock in her mouth did. Naughty girl.

 

“Stroke your cock and put that toy in your cute ass for Mommy.” His cock lept in his hand and she purred. Watching him lube his ass and sliding his toy in made her hold her breath. It was clear he enjoyed doing it. He stroked the toy in and out of his hungry ass. His cock growing she tried to write but watching his hunger build was to much. Dropping her note book she greadily pressed her toy against her clit. He stroked his cock with one hand and thrust the toy in and out of his ass with the other. Her next orgasm came in a flash. She did not want him to stop, they needed more. She wanted more, it all felt to good to stop.

She asked him, no told him to come but he had something in mind and she loved his dirty mind. His hard cock was burried in her very wet and swollen pussy. His toy was burried in his cute tight ass. His growls let her know he was close and they came together. It was glorious and dirty and perfect.

He left to clean up and she should of been done but as she replayed it in her head she found herself cranking up her vibe one last time. Soon he was there watching her. There was not hard climax but an intense build up that made her entire body arch. the edge was reached and she spilt over the top in one soft roll.

This was it. That perfect moment when everything had met. When her naughty side and her writing and his naughty side had all meet. They had colided in perfect unison and she was riding on a pink fluffy cloud of sexual contentment. She had never been so happy to know that he loved her so much as to share all of his desires with her. To not only be her partner in life but to become her sexual match.

As requested she posted to her blog. Her fingers knew there were misspelled words but she did not care. Not this time. Because it was not about the perfection of the spelling but it was about sharing this perfect love she shared with her King, and a test of her obediance to her Master. She could not wait for him to read it and hoped that he was pleased with his pet/ his queen.

 

 

fantasy, reality and the sting of truth

I meet him while deeply ensconsed in my own fantasy. Living a life on line that reality would not let me have. His words were a balm to my soul. His smile a soothing salve to a wounded heart. Time went by and I found him invading my reality. The two worlds blending seamlessly into one. Talk of love and life. The building of US. But real life was always there on the edge of it all. And in time I walked away from the home that held no love. And still he was there. There in my ear, in my head, in my heart. But all the while I knew that fantasy and reality would soon collide.
His own life held fast. And even when it seemed as if our dreams might come to light, the harsh light of day would rise up to scorch my dreams. Our one meeting so hardening my heart that I can not let it go. Even his own words scrape wounds in me. ” Soon I will be on the road again my love, then there will be an US again.” “US” should not have ever vanished is such a way. “When I leave she will be done and then I will tell her I want a SEPERATION.” That word stung like a million bee stings. She plays with him like a cat and a mouse. Toying at the edges, keeping him alive just enough to not end her game.
Then there is the control. He has learned it well. It was always in him. But she was not willing to surrender to him like that. But I did. I did with abandon. Needing to feel anything. Afraid and alone in the world. Married to a man who cared not to touch all that craved to be touched. My on line love listened to my every word and used then with well crafted skills.
When his wife found my messages of surrender and love he crafted a lie. But the best lies hold truth. I was just some on line slut. A woman willing to preform for his desires. Nothing but a way to have the thing he craved, that his wife would not do. Let him watch. Now all I hear is that. I want to carve the name of his on line harlot into my skin. Each time we have played since I cry when he is gone because that is how I feel. Simply like his toy.
And all the while back in my real life the chance of happiness hangs on the edge. Someone who does not have all of the physical attributes of my Master. Nor the financial. But has the kindest of hearts. One who has always been there. Waiting for me to see the light of day. Refusing to approach until the final divorce papers came. That was until he heard about my Master. then like lightning he sprung up, afraid to sit back and wait. Declaring his undying devotion. And the sting of reality bites. The love is there. It always has been. Gently lurking beneath the surface. And I am faced with a choice. Wait for my Master to leave, or not. To decide if I walk away from my life. Because I know he would despise me for making him walk away from his. He has said he would, but a wise woman would never take him from what defines so much of him. To risk the madness of a life of dealing with his ex, who is clearly an unstable woman. To fight the image of myself as his DONNA, THE ON LINE HARLOT in my own head.

Or, let my life take this soft and gentle path. To ease into a life with a gentle man. One whos devotion is evident. Who calls me pumpkin and beautiful every day. Whos company I enjoy with out the physical. But whos youth holds great promise of years of fun ahead.

Most of my head and my heart simply wish the damn cruise line would call and I could run for a few months. Away from everyone and let myself think. To not be so bombarded with emotions. To just be myself alone. But that would not be till November at best. I have been working harder and harder in an attempt to push the world out. But all that has done is left me more fragile. My head and my heart battling. I cry to much, I neglect myself to much. I am a beaten and broken woman. Gone from a long marriage to one man that I loved with all of my being, to this single life. I am afraid to love that deeply again. To lose myself to one man so completely. Because even now I am not sure who I am. What I want, or where to go from here.

I feel like Alice, in that damn rabbit hole. Falling and spinning, not knowing which way is up. What is the dream, what is the truth? And can I just go have a smoke of something with the catipillar and magically have all of the answers?

I just don’t. So for now I am off to my second job. Lord help me I think I have gone mad.

Changes

I have been having an interesting conversation with a friend. The world is full of changes.
And it got me to thinking, why do we put ourselves into such hard lines?
There are many of us who love the D/s life. But is it, or does it have to be so clear cut?
I believe that for some it does. There are those who are fully either Dom or Sub.
But there are so many others who honestly are both.

I know men who are powerful and in control in their daily business lives. And yet at home they are totally submissive to the women in their lives. I know women who are strong women. They run businesses and families with great success. But you put that same woman at the feet of a strong man and she becomes soft and submissive, and happy.

But what about those people who are somewhere in the middle? Those who know and love their submissive sides and still have moments where they crave the power of control? Women who love a strong powerful man, but are turned on by the idea of having a man I their lives who would wear a cage for them? Men who love the control they have over a woman happy at his feet, and yet is a man who would be happy to forego an orgasm just to live with his face between that woman’s thighs? Where do these people fit? And how do they find their match?

How does a strong man who has these submissive tendencies find a place safe enough to admit all that he is?
Where does a woman go who craves the control over a man find one who does not turn her off because she still needs him to be A MAN? These people are not clearly D/s. Yes they lean to one side or the other, but they are not Vanilla either. They love the kink, they need it. Yet in the D/s community, where do they fit?

I think that love is a powerful thing. That when people slow down and take time to fall in love, they really learn about each other. That the barriers fall and honesty becomes paramount. That is when we let all of our truths out into the open, and let the chips fall where they may. It is never an easy thing to bare ones soul. To be that honest. But it is in that honesty that we find our match.

It is my deepest hope that my friend find his match. That woman who is a woman in every since of the word.
One who loves being female and all that is wrapped up in it. One who wants to find adventure in love. Who wants to explore, not only the world but their desires and kinks. One who is strong yet soft. One who wants a man to sweep her off her feet and yet would be happy to have moments when that same man wants only to burry his face between her thighs. A woman who would love for him to wear a cage for her. And in turn would wear the most beautiful stilettos for him. One who takes an interest in the career he is building. Who honors him with taking pride in the hard work he does. I know that there is a woman out there for him. But I know that first he has to be true to himself. To honor who he truly is, to step up to the plate and be all he is instead of who he has been because it was the easy path.

And I am a woman who is grateful to have him as a friend.
But I am also a woman who met her match. That man who took his time to get to know me. The one who stood by as my barriers slowly came tumbling down. Who let me be the true me. He sees and encourages the strength in me, but reminds me that it is ok to be soft. I love that man with all that I am. I hate to think who I would of become if he had not been that strong man I so needed In my life. I walked a bumpy road. I went down a path or two that took me places I am not proud I went. And yet he was always there. Waiting for me to see the true value in myself.
Waiting for me to be able to say I LOVE YOU. To find the love inside of myself that I could share so freely with him. To open myself up to the D/s life that I had no idea existed. And to be honest I think I helped him find who he truly was. I love the softness I see in his eyes and the power if feel in his hands.

I know this is has meandered a bit. But it is all about change. Living thru it, accepting it, thriving in the face of it. Nothing is ever easy. But everything worth having is worth fighting for. So here is to all of us fighting for what we want. Wether it be Dominance, Submission, or somewhere in between. Even if it is finding our match in what ever life style we choose. In finding our true selves so that we can find the match for us. And most of all to LOVE. The greatest thing to fight for and to change for.