in my skin

my face denies my age

but my hands rat me out

it is still soft and smooth to the touch

but more and more i see the fine lines of time

some days i feel confined in it

as if i am trapped here on this mortal plane

i know that my body can not roam the places my  mind goes

and yet if i could only escape my skin i just might make it

i look at my hands and wonder who they belong to

and then i see the marks and scars of this life and smile

these are my markers of time, these are my constant companions

This is where my age and wisdom live

in the crimson colored finger nails made so by last nights clients hair color

in the scars from one scared and rescued puppy

in the marks left from shears that cut me instead of one wiggly child after another

in the broken nail from a weekend of hard labor hauling fire wood for winter warmth

my hands also carry my wedding ring the beautiful reminder of second chances and of love

It is true that some days i wish i could shed my skin and become someone else

someone who has not lived the harsh realities of my past

someone who has less marks and less age

but i am reminded that it is not my skin that holds these things but my mind

and there in lies the rub

I dare not forget lest i repeat the past and that is my greatest fear

That in time i will once again  lose all that i hold dear

That my skin will no longer feel the soft touch of loving hands

That my heart will no longer know love

That my ears will no longer hear laughter and

That My eyes will no longer see the beauty of this life

So i honor my memories and all of the lessons of my life

And i embrace the age on my skin and pray that i will always know the love i now cherish

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Old Messages

I keep the first messages that we shared

This beautiful moment when we both got brave

A sweet flirtation that turned into love

Who would have known it would turn out this way

You called me Miss Honey and i melted inside

We talked about life, love, marriage, divorce and pride

Your resistance was strong even though i tried

That hot tub on the porch you never tried

You called me pretty and 100% woman

I was sure you came from some alien planet

With sweet words you scaled the walls i had built

And with that first kiss knocked them down

When you said “i love you” i told you NO

It’s just an orgasm and now you have to go

But little by little you made me see

And one day i caved and said MAYBE

Now the years have passed like a dream

And i look back and those messages and gleam

I wear a smile upon my face and a glow in my heart

Life is not perfect Just perfect for us

And i will always feel this blessing and love

 

 

Warmth

It is cold outside but i do not feel its chill

People say unkind words but i can not hear them speak

My eyes have remained blind to the cruel actions of mankind

I have been blessed by the love that envelopes me

Yes i know it is cold,

And i see and hear the sadness of humanity

But it can not reach into my heart

Love has left it full and there is no space in it for the ugly, the unkind

With each beat it chooses to radiate love and truth and kindness and warmth

It beats to fill the darkness with light

It dares mankind to follow its lead and to stave off the cold

Yes this heart knows the cold, the dark, the cruel

But that was long before your hands held mine

Long before your arms wrapped around the all of me

Before you held up the mirror of truth and love for me to see through your eyes

And it has made a vow to never go back

This heart will beat truth and light and life

It will share its love and embrace those who are stumbling

To shine a light on their own path so they can find their way

And i thank you, from the bottom of my ever beating heart for your warmth

tfire heart

breathing in the moment

I will not speak of days past

for they are gone like an exhaled breath

I long only for this moment

our fingers intertwined like honeysuckle vines

the rapid rise and fall of your chest as you inhale the scent of me

a smile as wide as the Texas plains as you look into my eyes

The knowing in our hearts that we are one

Not one body but one heart

beats shared by two growing ever stronger

I did not know you were my missing pieces

I thought i was fine in my daily being

But how can you know something is missing

if you have never seen it?

Now the days roll by in cotton candy clouds

Sweet and fluffy on my tongue

I have you to soothe the sting of life’s bitter moments

To be the calming breeze in the storms of humanity

You are my center in a world that can feel like a tornado

There to remind me that i am more than the sum of my parts

and yet to let me know that my parts are divine

To show me a view of this life and of myself that others tried to hide

To kick me gently into the light when i would rather live in the shadows

Because in the shadow i need not be  the perfect i hold myself to

that perfection which is unattainable except for in your eyes

I love me in your eyes

So i stop and calm and center and breath in this moment

Because you are in it, and all that i need to breath

 

Morning awakening

the good girls gift

The tang of sweet saltyness on her lips
Hard heat on her tongue
The gentle breath of excitement warming his flesh
He awoke to find her there beneath the covers
Bare breast pressed against flannel sheets
Her head resting in the crook of his thigh
Nuzzled into the sweet sent of his manhood
Inhaling that aroma that made her damp with need
He was hers to love and worship
She was his to hold in high esteem
This woman who so lovingly caressed his body
She was not common, but a prized gem
A treasure among the weeds
Her devotion to him was deep as the ocean
And in return his love for her was more than a star lit sky
He would lay down his very life for this radiant beauty
And as she took the fullness of him within her crimson lips
He knew he had seen heaven
He was sure he had died and no one had told him so
For she made him weak with anticipation
Breathless in his need
And when she had taken her fill from him
He was left spent and drained
She lay her head once more at the apex of his thigh
Breathed deep and sighed the sound of blessed contentment
This was how she woke her King
As he stoked her hair and called her Queen

Growing

Eyes closed, listening
Breath still, gasping
Heart beating, longing
Brain racing, dreaming

every fiber of her is alive
dreams and hopes survive
she looks out her window and knows
the path before her flows

there will be bumps along the way
lovers have come and gone, some stay
but in her heart they have a place
they helped her see a smiling face

so she opens her eyes and sees
her breath fills lungs and dreams
her heart keeps beating through the pain
her brain stops racing and chooses a way

this is the power of woman
this is the heart of life
this is the way to tomorrow
to simply let go of the strife

embrace your new beginnings
respect and adore the past
hold in high expectation
all that came and did not last

For without those tears and heartbreak
how could we ever know love
Each broken dream a blessing
Gifts from a god above

Lessons to show us a path way
Dreams that need not come true
Faith in a better tomorrow
Love that each day is new

Holding On

Rainbow colored days

Moonlit colored nights

Holding on to what she had

Letting go of what’s not right

Building dreams from reality

Letting fantasy take flight

Hoping she is choosing well

Knowing she is right

She is her own rock

Her own foundation stone

She builds upon the dreams

That she wants to make her own

So she is holing on to memories

Holding on to hope

Knowing all a long

She just needs a little rope

Binding up the memories

Tying up the past

Putting away the packages

Of pain that just won’t last

So she’s holding on to memories

Saving for the day

When all her fated failures

Just up and fade away

Holding on to memories

Clinging hard to dreams

Just one more breath

And taking in the seams

 

 

Sleep

priness bed

Add some floaty curtains to this and a girl could imagine she were a fairy tale princess,

Sleep glorious sleep
Delirious wonderful sleep
How I have missed your embrace

Life and its madness enveloped me
It filled my nights with memories
It pushed you far from my grasp

I yearned for you
Prayed for you,begged for you
And still you eluded me

I tried every old wives tale to summon you forth
I needed your healing magic
I was lost without your dark mysteries

And when I had lost all hope
You found me, embraced me, enveloped me
In child like bliss you filled my night

I have awoken to shinning sun
Bright blue skies, singing birds and warm breezes
And my soul is renewed

There is a spring in my step
As sway in my walk
And a lightness in my heart

I have the power to welcome the days challenges
To embrace my mortal fears
And to know that time is a healer of all wounds

So sleep, oh glorious sleep
Please do not leave me again
Because I can not heal my mind when my body longs for your embrace

Pain

Engulfed in it
Drowning in it
Washed out to sea by it
Never denying it
The physical part of it
The heart of it
The how do I get away from it

With every breath it consumes me
With every movement burns thru me
My body screaming, why do you to this to me
My heart crying, me to

Days and memories
Dreams and hopes
All marred by it
Scared by it
The pain you see
The pain you don’t
All holding my breath in my chest
All burning my body and soul
Mental confusion
Emotional Delusion

All I want is for it to stop

But I need to let go
Let peace have a place
Let love and time and hope find space
Instead I hold it in my tightly closed fist
And squeeze the life right out of it
Fear grasps at me
Tears flow from me
Dreams and hopes die inside of me
All because I won’t just let him love me
Some fear of worth, some hate of self
Some knowledge that life will never be easy
Some want to change my life
Some fear that I don’t

And so I live alone in my pain
And I cause him to live alone in his

Bound

dainty collar

I am not bound to him by chains, though there are times when they bite my flesh.
I and not tied to him by ropes, though there are times they cut marks in my skin.
I am not a slave to him, though I willing fall on my knees before him.
I am not weak, but I bend gently to his will.
I am not a toy, but I am his own carnival ride if he so chooses.

I am defiant, and I wish to be broken
I am strong and I wish to be made weak by his touch
I am a free spirit who wants to be bound to him
I am and always will be a submissive
I can not surrender to just anyone
I can only give fully of myself to he who is worthy of my devotion
I long for his touch, I crave his kiss, I desire to let go of my past
And in his strong and protective arms I know I am safe.
It is there I let go,
it is there I become his
it is there that I find love
To him I am bound

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